Faded Photographs
by Tracy-Lou
Summary: <html><head></head>Brendan is sent to prison where he befriends a fellow inmate.</html>
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!

Summary: Brendan is sent to prison where he befriends a fellow inmate.

A/N: This fic is a bit different. It isn't strictly Stendan but there are clear hints. It's mostly Brendan and another male character. Thanks to Elle and Maya for the great idea :)

Faded Photographs

Brendan trudged along the gravel, his wrists displayed in front of him in handcuffs. His head was bent low; his hair was mussed and unkempt. He was being led along by two prison guards who both fashioned stony expressions to compliment their somewhat hardened exteriors. Brendan couldn't even find it in him to make a cutting remark; ever since the day before his humour had taken a holiday it wasn't likely to return from any time soon.

When the police had first questioned him over India and Rebecca's murders he had put on a front; a mask. He made it seem as though he was unmoved by the detectives' questions, as though their leading questions wouldn't touch him. But when things started to get a bit more serious and it seemed more than likely that he would get the blame for this, things had started to sink in.

They had let him out on bail at first; made him swear he wouldn't leave the country. He had to admit, it had crossed his mind. But Cheryl was the one who made him stay. She told him he'd only be making things worse for himself and this whole thing would blow over soon. Only it hadn't. And now Brendan was going to prison.

It was only pending trial and yet Brendan was unnerved. Even more so because he hadn't actually committed this crime and it made him livid to think he was getting sent down for something he didn't even do.

When he had been let out on bail he had gone straight to the club and immediately reached for the whiskey. He'd had several visitors that day. Cheryl had popped in for the inevitable pep talk. Now that there was a danger of him not being around she seemed to soften towards him. Only slightly though. After she had left, Douglas arrived…

"Brendan" Douglas gritted his teeth angrily, his arms folded.

"Dougie" Brendan greeted him, moving out from around the bar. "Now what can I do for ye?"

"Why are you still here?" Douglas asked with pure venom in his voice.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Brendan asked curiously, stepping a bit closer to Douglas. He didn't even flinch.

"You killed Bex! And I told the police that, so why the hell aren't you in prison?"

Brendan took a deep breath, chewing on his fingernail in agitation. He couldn't help the grin which spread across his face. It was almost a nervous reaction. He stepped right up close to Douglas, practically chest to chest. He had to give the boy credit, he stood his ground. They looked at each other for several moments. Douglas' jaw twitched in agitation. Brendan's hands curled into fists. Douglas closed his eyes as though expecting a smack.

"Douglas" Brendan said quietly, uncurling his fists. "I didn't kill Rebecca" he said calmly, stepping back. "I have no idea who did. Why would I kill her? I have what I want"

"But you threatened her"

"Only to keep her in line. I don't hurt women, Douglas"

Douglas looked uncertain for a moment. He stared morosely at the ground. Brendan stepped behind the bar again and opened a beer for him, which he rolled down the bar to Douglas. Douglas looked up and took a seat, holding the beer in his limp hand. Poor kid was messed up.

"Do ye believe me?" Brendan asked.

"I don't know what to believe anymore" Douglas replied, taking a swig of his beer.

They were silent for several moments.

"Well, if that's all then…" Brendan said, gesturing towards the stairs.

"Yeah" Douglas grunted, downing his beer and slamming it on the bar. He turned to leave.

"Douglas"

"What?"

"Take it easy. I know it's hard, losing someone ye love, but ye have to deal with it, alright?"

Douglas turned around, his face incredulous. "And what would you know about love?"

"More than ye know" Brendan murmured.

Douglas looked curious for a moment but then shook his head and headed down the stairs.

Brendan's next visitor was Stephen.

"Brendan" he said quietly, wincing as he came up the stairs.

Brendan stared at him blankly. "What are ye doing here, Stephen?"

"I came to see if you were okay"

"Why?"

Stephen looked up at him, his eyes shining. "Because believe it or not, I still care about you. I don't want to see you go to prison for something you didn't do"

"How do you know I didn't do it?" Brendan asked easily, not moving any closer to Stephen.

Stephen took a step forwards. "Because I know you. You don't hurt women"

Brendan rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Doesn't mean I'm a good guy, Stephen. Ye know that more than anyone"

Stephen swallowed and bowed his head a little. "I know, I just wanted to… I don't know, see if you were okay"

"Ye should stay away from me. Ye have that boyfriend now"

Stephen looked at him in confusion for a moment. "Right, Noah" he didn't sound too enthused.

Stephen stepped forwards again. Brendan still didn't move.

"What are ye really doing here, Stephen?" Brendan asked tiredly.

"I came to…warn you"

Brendan's brow furrowed. "Warn me?"

"I heard Ethan on the phone this morning, talking to one of his superiors. They're gonna take you in"

Brendan let this sink in for a moment. "Right" he said after a while. "So much for it all blowing over, Chez" he muttered dryly.

"Look, Bren" Stephen said, stepping right in front of Brendan. "This could be it, this is so serious". Stephen looked genuinely anxious and upset. Brendan hated seeing him that way but he couldn't bring himself to comfort him. Stephen deserved better.

"Ye need to get out of here, Stephen" Brendan said tersely, stepping away from him. It was hard enough staying away from him without having to breathe in his scent. It made Brendan want to touch him, hold him.

Stephen grabbed Brendan's hands. "I'm not going anywhere! They can't take you away"

"Stephen" Brendan warned, feeling exhausted.

"Bren, please" Stephen looked at Brendan earnestly, his eyes moist. He leaned forwards and kissed Brendan softly on the lips. Brendan found himself kissing him back, his hand wrapped in his hair. For the next few moments it was all lips, teeth and hands. Brendan knew somewhere deep inside him that this must stop. They shouldn't be doing this. Stephen needed to stay away. Eventually Brendan seized the presence of mind to pull away. Stephen touched his lips gingerly, looking distinctly disappointed.

"Go, Stephen. Now" Brendan said bluntly, walking away from him.

"But-"

"No buts! Go!" Brendan shouted, his eyes wild. Stephen stood his ground, frustratingly.

"I will not go"

"Ye have to. If Ethan sees ye here he'll know ye warned me"

"I don't care!"

"Well I do!" Brendan pressed his lips together, cursing himself for his choice of words.

Stephen's expression softened. "I know you still care about me! Just tell me the truth. Tell me you don't want me and I'll go, right now, and you'll never see me again" Stephen stood that little bit straighter.

Brendan was stunned momentarily. He bared his teeth in aggravation. He knew what he had to do, there was no other choice.

"Ye live in a fantasy world, Stephen. If ye think I'm gonna run off with ye and play happy boyfriends then ye don't know me at all"

Stephen looked hurt for a moment but he didn't look convinced by Brendan's words.

"You're only saying that because you're going to prison"

"No" Brendan said bluntly. "I'm saying it because I don't want ye. I don't l-"

"Stop" Stephen held up a hand, tears starting to stream down his face. "Don't say any more. I'll go. I was an idiot for thinking you would ever change"

"Ye" Brendan agreed, his mask still firmly in place.

Stephen turned towards the stairs. When his back was turned, Brendan felt a momentary grief strike him and grip at his insides. All he wanted to do was reach out, call Stephen back, tell him he cared. But he couldn't. Stephen deserved better. When Stephen turned around for one last look, all he saw was Brendan's reinforced stony face, unrelenting.

After he had gone, the police had arrived. Ethan had smiled at him smugly as he was led away. And now here he was, actually going to prison. It made him feel sick inside. If only his kids could see him now…

It was the most demoralising feeling, having his watch and bracelet taken away from him along with his regular clothes. The prison uniform was dire. It was a darkened blue; the sleeves were cut to Brendan's shoulders. His arm muscles flexed, unused to being on display like this. His fingers brushed against the tattoo on his arm. At least he would blend in.

He was shown into his cell, the door clanked shut behind him. Brendan paced back and forth, hating the feeling of being caged like this. He wrung his hands together in agitation, wishing he could hit something to vent his rage.

Suddenly he was interrupted by a voice.

"Hello"

Brendan's head snapped to the bottom bunk bed. A man laid there, his arms above his head. His prison uniform was stretched over him, exposing part of his stomach. Brendan found his eyes drawn there.

"What's your name?" The man asked, rising from the bed. He was taller than Brendan by about a head. He was dark haired, his hair un-styled and a little mussed. He wasn't overly muscled but his arms were huge.

"Brady" Brendan said gruffly. "Brendan Brady"

"I'm Ray"

"Raymond?"

"Just Ray" Ray said bluntly. He shook Brendan's hand. He had a stiff handshake.

"What are ye in for then?" Brendan asked, sitting down on the only chair in the cell.

"Ah nothing exciting, theft" Ray said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What did ye steal?"

"A hundred grand"

"Hm, not much then" Brendan replied, smirking.

Ray grinned back at him. Brendan found himself starting to relax.

"And you?"

Brendan looked down at his hands. "Murder, supposedly. Didn't do it though"

"Yeah?"

Brendan looked Ray squarely in the eyes. They were dark brown in colour. "Ye"

"I believe you" Ray said seriously, his eyes never leaving Brendan's.

"Just like that?"

"Trust me, Brendan. I've been in and out of here countless times. I can tell a liar from a straight man any day"

Brendan coughed suddenly.

"You alright?" Ray asked, standing as though he was about to pat him on the back.

"Fine" Brendan said gruffly, holding up a hand.

Ray sat down again. "You in here long, Bren?"

"Brendan" Brendan said reflexively. He didn't know why it bothered him so much. Only Cheryl and Stephen called him that. Brendan felt a dull ache at the thought of them.

"Don't like shortened names, do ya?" Ray smiled. It made Brendan uneasy how this guy seemed to know his thoughts and moods.

Brendan grunted in response.

"You'll do alright here, Brendan. Just stick with me and you'll be fine"

"Oh ye? What makes ye so special?"

Ray raised his eyebrows. "Didn't anyone tell you? I'm the boss around here"

"Excuse me?" Brendan said wearily.

"Every prison has its top guns, and I'm one of 'em"

"Right" Brendan said uneasily.

"Don't look so anxious"

"I'm not"

"Good. You're my cell mate, we stick together"

"I don't plan on staying here long" Brendan muttered, wringing his hands together.

"You've gotta cut that attitude out or you'll never survive"

"Right" Brendan said again.

Ray sighed and lay out across the bed. "You can have the top bunk, if you want. Not so keen on heights myself"

"Hm, thanks" Brendan murmured. He glanced at the wall by Ray's bed. There were a few pictures there. Ray with friends, men and women. No children. There was one picture of a man with tawny blonde hair and dazzling green eyes. Ray had his arm around him in the picture.

Ray followed Brendan's gaze and sighed. "That's my ex, didn't wanna put up with me keep coming in here so he broke it off. You got a fella mate?"

Brendan was taken aback. His hands balled into fists. "I ain't queer"

Ray looked shocked for a moment but then his face settled into an easy smile. It was almost pitying.

"Right" he said, mimicking Brendan. "See you in the morning then"

Brendan didn't say another word. He climbed up onto the top bunk and laid back, his arms firmly by his sides. Eventually he moved to take out his own photographs. One of him and Cheryl, the other of him and his boys. He rested them on the wood panel of the bed and stared at them. He wouldn't cry. Not here. He was a man; he had to deal with this.

He reached out and found another picture. He'd had this one for a while. He had taken it on his phone when Stephen had been sleeping beside him; that last time… Brendan shook his head and blinked a few times, still refusing to cry. He tucked the picture of Stephen underneath his pillow. He didn't want anyone to see that.

That night, Brendan didn't sleep.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

When the alarm call went off at six, Brendan's eyes were already open. He felt stiff lying on the hard bed all night.

He saw Ray rise from his bed and walk towards the tiny desk they had in the cell. He combed through his brown hair, snagging it on some of the knots. Brendan hadn't noticed last night but it was quite long; it touched the nape of his neck in curls. It wasn't feminine though. Ray was nothing but masculine. His muscles on his arms were well defined, as though he pumped a lot of iron. He had a few tattoos; mostly in hieroglyphics.

Ray glanced up at Brendan and Brendan hastily looked away. He thought he heard Ray sigh.

"You coming to the showers, Brendan?"

Brendan hesitated a moment. If he said no that would look suspicious. "Ye, alright" he said tightly, climbing down from the bed with a soft thud. Ray looked him up and down, his eyes resting on Brendan's face.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, I just assumed…"

"It's fine" Brendan waved a hand dismissively. "Shall we go?"

"Sure" Ray nodded. He had a kind of quiet confidence; as though nothing fazed him. When the cell door opened, he led the way to the showers, Brendan by his side.

It was quite clear as they walked that Ray hadn't been kidding about being the boss. A lot of the inmates nodded to him in respect, sometimes with their eyes averted as though in fear. Brendan found himself oddly impressed by it all.

They arrived at the showers, passing several guards. Brendan looked behind to stare them out a little and when he turned around again he was confronted by a room full of naked men.

Brendan hastily looked up at the ceiling, his cheeks reddening. He would not look. He refused to look.

"Brendan, are you coming in?" He heard Ray ask. "He's with me, fellas" he told the other men who glanced at Brendan questioningly. Brendan tried to only look up towards their faces but it was proving rather difficult. He turned to face the wall, running his hand along a crack in the wall.

"Brendan" Ray said quietly, directing his attention back to him. "You gonna get undressed?"

Brendan glanced at Ray warily, before stripping out of his prison clothes. He looked around the room uneasily. Thankfully most of the men had their backs towards him.

"It's okay" Ray said, touching his arm briefly.

Brendan shrugged him off. "I'm fine" he said gruffly, grabbing some soap.

Ray turned away and continued washing himself. Brendan found his eyes drifting down like they had a mind of their own. His eyes took in the fine form of Ray's rear, appreciating its fullness. Stephen had a small arse; pert and smooth. Brendan didn't know why he was thinking of Stephen in a place like this. It was unfathomable. He supposed it was a pleasant memory, Stephen lying beneath him, his arse cheeks pressed between Brendan's cock, his arms wrapped around Brendan's back, urging him closer….

"Um, Brendan?" Ray whispered to him urgently.

"What?" Brendan replied, annoyed that he had been interrupted in his reminiscing.

"You might want to, ah, calm down a bit before you step out…"

"What are ye talking about?" Brendan asked shortly. He was alarmed to see Ray's eyes drift down towards his cock. "What ye looking there for?" Brendan asked menacingly, his voice a quiet hum of rage.

"Brendan" Ray said again, looking down pointedly. Brendan followed his gaze and started.

"Shit!" He was fully erect. This was the worst thing to happen in a communal shower full of other men.

"Calm down, its fine" Ray said quietly, reaching over to grab a towel. Brendan felt him brush against him; it didn't help his erection much. "Here" Ray said, passing him the towel.

"Thanks" Brendan said, looking at the floor. He hastily made to move out of the shower but Ray grabbed his arm.

"We have to all leave together" He said somewhat apologetically.

"Right" Brendan said, still staring at the floor. He never wanted to shower here again.

XXX

Eventually they were able to leave. Brendan was sufficiently calmed down by this point after all of the panic of his situation. Ray didn't say anything to him as they walked back to their cell. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence though; Ray seemed perfectly at ease. When the cell door locked behind them, he turned to face Brendan, his arms crossed across his chest.

"I think we need a little talk"

"Do we now?" Brendan asked, moving to sit down. "About what?"

"You can't do that in the shower. The other guys are fine with me but if they realise you're-"

"What? That I'm what?" Brendan asked angrily, standing up and getting into Ray's face.

Ray stared him down calmly. "You're gay"

Brendan clenched his fists, fully prepared to strike.

"You won't hit me. I'm the only friend you've got in here. You need to calm the fuck down. What the hell does it matter if you're gay? I'm gay! Everyone in here knows it"

Brendan unclenched his fists slightly. "They do? And they don't care?" He sounded sceptical.

"Of course not" Ray said, stepping away from Brendan. "No one messes with me, they know better"

"But if you're…"

"Say the word" Ray commanded, his expression blank.

"Why?"

"Because you have to learn"

"Fine" Brendan bit out. "_Gay_"

"Better" Ray said, uncrossing his arms. "I can read you like a book, Brendan. You're a closest homosexual, aren't ya? Beat up anyone who accuses you of it, or looks at you the wrong way"

"Get outta my head" Brendan growled.

"No. Because I know your type. Hell, I _was _your type. It took me years to accept who I was. First time I came in here, I got a lot of stick for it. People called me butt boy, I was only twenty-one"

Brendan remained silent, listening.

"But I caught on quickly. You have to demand respect, no matter what people think. You don't think people still despise me for what I am in here?"

Brendan said nothing.

"Well they do. And you know what I say if they start on me with it? I tell them to fuck off, or I'll fuck 'em good and proper myself. I won't of course, have you seen the men in here?"

"What? They not pretty enough for ye?" Brendan said sarcastically, glancing at Ray's picture on the wall.

Ray followed his gaze. He bent down to pick up the picture. "This is Donny" he said quietly.

"Yer ex" Brendan concluded for him.

"Yeah" Ray said softly. He looked up at Brendan. "You got a boy?"

Brendan straightened his back. He said nothing. Ray rolled his eyes and moved to Brendan's bunk, pulling his pillow away before Brendan could stop him. The picture of Stephen fluttered to the ground. Brendan made a grab for it but Ray got there first. He picked it up curiously, his head tilted to the side.

"He's lovely" He commented, looking closely at the photograph. "What's his name?"

Brendan gritted his teeth.

"Fine, you don't want to say" Ray continued to look at the picture. "He's beautiful though, those eyelashes, that skin…"

Brendan felt his blood boiling. "Put it down" he growled. Ray looked up at him in mild astonishment.

"You feel very strongly for him, don't you?" He said mildly, still looking at the picture.

"I said: _put it down"_

Ray laughed a little, putting the picture back underneath Brendan's pillow.

"You do have it bad, don't cha? I know that feeling, I love Donny too" Ray said wistfully.

Brendan's rage broke. He charged at Ray and slammed him against the wall, his eyes wild and crazed. He didn't need this guy who he barely knew telling him how he felt about Stephen. He didn't need him looking at his picture, the picture of _his _Stephen.

Ray laughed in his face. "I like you, Brendan. You're a wild one"

"I don't like ye" Brendan said, seething.

"Yes you do. You have me pinned against the wall, don't cha?" Ray smiled at him pleasantly. It made Brendan even angrier.

"Do ye not understand the meaning of threats?" Brendan said, drawing out each word.

Ray chuckled lightly. "This isn't a threat. You're upset, you're inside, I presume for the first time. You miss your family, you miss this lad…don't deny it"

Brendan hesitated a moment. "Yer wrong" he finally bit out.

"I'm really not" Ray said, pushing Brendan away from him easily. Brendan staggered backwards slightly at the force of it. The guy had strong arms. "I get it, people get too heavy with you and you lash out. You need to stop that"

Brendan's breath came out in short puffs. "Do I now?"

"Yes, you do. Do you really think you'll win him back if you act like this?"

"Who says I've lost him?"

"I can see it in your eyes, the pain of losing him" Ray said quietly. "It's in mine every day, every time I look in the mirror. I can help you, Brendan"

"I don't want ye help"

Ray sighed, looking at Brendan as though trying to work him out. "Not yet, no. You will though. I'm patient. I'll wait"

"Ye will be waiting a long time then"

"I think you're worth waiting for" Ray said suggestively, smirking.

Brendan didn't quite know how to respond to that.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

A few days passed by. Brendan started to get settled in to prison life; although he would never quite get used to it. Ray didn't mention Stephen again; in fact he seemed indifferent to the situation, as though he was waiting for something. He was as friendly as ever to Brendan, perhaps more so. It made Brendan uneasy.

One warm day they were able to go outside for a while. Brendan kept his distance away from the other inmates. Ray was talking to a group of men, looking somewhat shifty. Probably bartering for cigarettes. Brendan sat on the top of the bench table, his hands together, wringing nervously which now seemed to be a habit of his. He didn't like being here. No one bothered him, really. Not when Ray was around. It wasn't that. It was that Brendan felt caged, he felt claustrophobic. He felt as though he couldn't take a deep breath.

When he used to strut around the village, he felt so free, so un-weighted. Everyone knew Brendan Brady, they didn't dare cross him. In here things were different. No one gave two shits about him. It didn't really bother him as such, it just felt…different. Like he was missing something he couldn't work out.

Brendan put his head in his hands, needing to block everything out for a while. After several moments he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He slowly looked up and saw Ray looking at him in concern. He sat beside Brendan without waiting for an invitation. Brendan shuffled a little away from his close proximity; it didn't help his mood. He heard Ray sigh.

"Brendan, I wish you'd talk to me"

Brendan laughed shortly. "Ye? I barely know ye"

Ray looked ahead. "But I'm betting you don't even talk to the people who do know you. Am I right?"

Brendan said nothing.

"In a few days we'll be getting post from home. Do you expect anything?"

"No" Brendan said shortly.

"Not even from that sister of yours?"

"We didn't, ah, end things on the best of terms" Brendan murmured.

"Oh yeah? Why's that then?" Ray asked curiously, his head tilted to the side.

"None of ye damn business"

"Alright" Ray said pleasantly. "And what about this lad? You think he might write? Or come visit?"

Brendan turned his head sharply to the side. "He better fucking not come here. I won't have that"

Ray looked at Brendan intently for a moment. "Why does that bother you?"

"Would ye stop with the fucking questions" Brendan sprung off the bench table, pacing around the courtyard.

"Sorry" Ray said, still sounding perfectly at ease. "Why don't you come work out with us lot for a bit? Might release some of that stress you've got going on"

Brendan considered this for a moment. "Ye…alright" he eventually agreed.

"Great" Ray said, jumping off the bench table.

Brendan did some weight lifting to strengthen up his arms. Ray was using much heavier weights than him but he was clearly a regular with this kind of activity. Brendan was more of a whiskey guy, not a down-the-gym kind of fella; not like Noah. Brendan almost dropped his weight at the thought of that smug git.

"Something wrong?" Ray asked, his face scrunched up with the effort of his weight lifting. He had taken off his shirt to accommodate the heat. Sweat was dripping down his chest in rivulets. Brendan found himself momentarily distracted.

Ray looked at Brendan a bit more closely, placing his weight on the ground.

"I, uh, don't normally do this kind of thing" Brendan said lamely.

"Really? Your arms are great though" Ray said, gingerly touching where Brendan's muscle flexed.

"Well, I don't" Brendan mumbled awkwardly, putting his own weight down.

Ray withdrew his hand. "I'm gonna tell you a little story, Brendan" he announced, squatting down on the floor to begin some press ups.

Brendan sat crossed-legged beside him, cracking his knuckles.

"Yes, it's to do with that" Ray said, seemingly not struggling to talk whilst he was exercising.

Brendan looked at him blankly for a moment before Ray began his story.

"When I was about twenty-five, I came out of here after my first four year stint. I felt a bit, well, reckless. To suddenly have all that freedom… let's just say I went a bit mad. Drinking every night, sleeping all day, no job, no friends, no real quality of life really. Then I started going to gay bars, picking up blokes, having one night stands. All safe of course"

Brendan nodded.

"So anyway, I met this guy. Wee little fella he was, called Johnny. He was our kinda type you know? Scrawny, fair-haired, submissive" Ray sighed a little. "Anyway, I hooked up with him a few times, nothing serious. After a few weeks, I don't hear from him anymore. So I go round to his place, see what's going on. I knock on the door and this big bloke answers. You know me, I wasn't exactly intimidated. So I ask him straight out, where's Johnny? He just looks at me, grunts, and walks straight out the door. By this point I was pretty damn curious so I walk inside and there I find Johnny, beaten to a pulp, lying on the floor"

Brendan started to feel his hands shaking.

"I ran over to him, demanding to know what was going on. After a bit of coaxing he told me that guy who I'd just seen was his ex. Turns out he'd been beating him. Naturally I was livid. I mean, I barely knew this kid and yet I felt protective, ya know? So I tried to run after the guy but Johnny said no, that was the end of it now. I didn't really believe him but I dropped it, poor kid was a mess. I stayed with him that night but I had some important business to attend to the next day so I left him asleep in bed"

Brendan started to wonder where this story was heading.

"I came back that evening" Ray swallowed, sitting up now and looking at the ground. "There was an ambulance there… I tried to find out what had happened but I think I knew, really. Johnny had been…beaten to death. I only found out from a few of his close friends after that that Johnny had been involved with this other guy on and off for a year or so. He beat him a lot, but Johnny was scared, and he was lonely. He had tried to call things off for a while which was when he met me. But this guy came back… he must have been watching his place, seen me leave…" Ray trailed off, looking distressed.

"Why are ye telling me this?" Brendan asked quietly.

Ray looked at Brendan as though only just realising he was still there.

"What happened, with you and your lad?"

Brendan was incredulous. How could this guy possibly know what he and Stephen had been through?

"Something bad must have happened. You jump every time I mention him; you went mad at me for just looking at his picture"

"And what do ye automatically assume?" Brendan asked, baring his teeth.

"Nothing" Ray answered innocently, standing up. Brendan copied him.

"Why did you tell me that awful story then?" Brendan asked angrily.

"Because I was that guy once" Ray said calmly.

"Who, Johnny?"

"No, his boyfriend. Through my teens I was struggling so badly with what I was, I just lashed out all the time. I don't need to spell it out for you, do I?"

"What and ye just assume I'm the same?"

"Well, aren't you?"

Brendan remained silent, quietly seething.

"I'm not judging you, Brendan" Ray said, placing a hand on Brendan's arm.

Brendan shook him off angrily, his face reddening in rage.

He took some deep breaths, grateful that no one else was near them. He stepped up closer to Ray and spoke through gritted teeth, biting out each word.

"Ye don't judge me for cracking Stephen's ribs? For punching him in the face just for asking a question? For making his life a complete misery and for never being able to give him what he wants?"

Brendan started to feel tears form in his eyes but he blinked them away angrily.

"Don't ye fucking tell me ye don't judge me, because I fucking judge myself. Every single day of my fucking miserable excuse for a life"

"Brendan" Ray said quietly, leading him back inside, obscuring his face from the other inmates. Brendan allowed himself to be dragged along, hardly caring what was happening. He just had to push it, didn't he? Push him to this place he tried so desperately to prevent himself from thinking about.

The prison guard locked them back up in their cell and now that they were alone, Ray placed his hands on either side of Brendan's shoulders.

"I get it, Brendan. I was exactly the same. But the reason I told you that story was because that was the moment I finally realised that my life was a complete mess. That everything I had done to my lovers in the past was wrong, and cruel. That if pushed too far, maybe I'd end up doing what Johnny's boyfriend did, and killing someone" Ray took a deep shuddering breath. He gripped Brendan's shoulders tightly. "Do you hear me?"

Brendan nodded mutely. "I do want to change" he said quietly.

"I know, you do. I've been there, I know" Ray suddenly drew Brendan into a tight embrace. Brendan was amazed by the fact that he let him.

They didn't say another word. When they withdrew, Ray looked at Brendan intently, still holding him close. He carefully wiped away the tears Brendan didn't even know he had managed to shed away from his cheeks.

Their faces were impossibly close. Brendan could feel Ray's breath ghosting across his face. He didn't like this. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He started to pull away.

"Don't you ever get sick and tired of being in control all the time?" Ray asked quietly.

"No" Brendan said gruffly.

"Maybe if you let someone else take over for a change, you might surprise yourself with how differently things turn out"

"Oh ye?" Brendan asked sceptically.

"Try it" Ray breathed, closing the distance between them with a kiss. Brendan let himself be kissed, exhausted by his sudden outpour of emotion. Ray slid his mouth open with his tongue, slipping inside Brendan's mouth. Brendan wasn't used to being kissed like this. He wasn't used to Ray's rough stubble matching his own, wasn't used to the strong arms holding him, to being pushed against the wall roughly with strong, competent fingers unclasping his clothes.

And for the first time, Brendan didn't care if he was relinquishing control. He needed to be taught this. Needed to feel how it felt to be fucked by a man stronger than him, more aware than him of what this really was. Someone who had been in his position and had overcome it.

His first lesson began today.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Ray's kisses were full of heat and intensity. Brendan was astounded at the experience of his caresses; he was used to being the one coaxing reactions out of his lovers, gently showing them how he liked things to be done. Brendan felt as though he was being swallowed whole when Ray kissed him and he started to wonder whether this was how Stephen had felt the numerous times they had been together.

It was difficult to think of Stephen right now however when Ray's expert hands were moving across Brendan's now bare chest, teasingly stroking against his hardened nipples. Ray's hands moved lower to cup Brendan's arse, making Brendan gasp at the suddenness of the touch, and throw his head back exposing his throat. Ray immediately moved his mouth to nuzzle against Brendan's neck, eliciting another groan. Gently placing a finger over Brendan's lips he sternly told him:

"You have to be quiet, otherwise the guards will hear"

Brendan nodded, unused to being told what to do. Ray resumed his seduction, stripping out of his own clothes to reveal his smooth, flat stomach. Brendan reached out to touch him lightly as though in wonderment of the difference from his usual type. Ray gently pushed his hand away before moving to rummage underneath his pillow, one hand still clasping Brendan around the waist as though he was reluctant to let him go for one second.

He pulled out a condom and Brendan cocked his head to the side in amusement.

"I have connections" Ray explained, taking Brendan's hand and placing it over his cock, motioning for him to stroke.

Whilst Brendan complied with this request, Ray licked a few of his fingers and began pleasuring Brendan in preparation. Brendan closed his eyes, aware of the fact that he was fully aroused. He moved his spare hand to touch himself but Ray pulled it away, making Brendan growl.

"We're doing this my way this time, okay?" Ray asked gently, as though suggesting they would inevitably do this again.

Brendan nodded reluctantly, trusting that Ray knew what he was doing.

"Have you…" Ray began, stilling his fingers inside Brendan.

Brendan gave him a measured look. "Of course I have"

Ray chuckled. "Right, yes, course you have. You ready?"

Brendan simply nodded.

Ray looked at Brendan with clear intention, his eyes never leaving his face as he slipped the condom on.

"Climb on me" Ray breathed, resuming his kissing against Brendan's neck. It was barely a whisper against his ear.

"Excuse me?"

"I want you to wrap your legs around me when I enter you"

Brendan hesitated a moment but then felt Ray grasp him in his hand with purpose so he allowed himself to be lifted up, his legs securely around Ray's waist.

It was an awkward position but after a few shallow thrusts, Ray built up the momentum. It had been a long time since Brendan had allowed someone to enter him but it felt completely natural to him, and fucking incredible.

Brendan found himself unable to stifle his moans, causing Ray to at one point to place his hand over Brendan's mouth. Brendan bit him in response. Ray grinned at him and removed his hand, placing it at the back of Brendan's head instead, gripping his hair tightly.

As they moved together, Brendan's back hitting against the wall in a somewhat painful motion from the strength of Ray's thrusts, Brendan found himself completely lost in the sensation, overwhelmed by how powerful he felt in that moment despite the fact that he was not the one in control.

Built up to a frenzy of need and desire, Brendan wrapped his hand around himself, pumping to the speed of Ray's thrusts. Ray was too caught up in the moment to stop him. When the end was near, Ray burrowed his face in Brendan's shoulder as he shuddered once, and came. Brendan wasn't quite at climax himself so Ray allowed him to slip off of his waist as he knelt down to take him in his mouth. Brendan grabbed a fistful of his thick hair as he licked, teased and caressed him with his tongue, gradually pushing deeper and deeper.

It didn't take long for Brendan to climax himself; he had to bite down on his knuckles to prevent himself from crying out and alerting the guards. Ray swallowed and licked his lips, smiling smugly at Brendan.

"I think you enjoyed that" he said, sounding out of breath.

"I'm not the only one" Brendan countered, sliding down onto the floor, his sweaty back against the wall.

"That was…fucking amazing" Ray said, his head dropping back.

"Been a while?" Brendan asked, starting to smile.

"Too long. No one in here…well, no one's caught my eye"

"Until me, hm?"

Ray laughed openly now. "It's just funny, we aren't even each others types and yet, that was incredible"

"Change is nice" Brendan reasoned, licking at his knuckle where he had accidentally drawn blood from biting too hard.

"Have you been with many men?" Ray asked, clearly seizing his opportunity to engage Brendan with questions in his most relaxed state.

"A few" Brendan said gruffly.

"And women?" Ray asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Just one" Brendan said quietly. "My wife"

"Your _wife_?" Ray asked incredulously.

"We're separated" Brendan said shortly.

Ray glanced to the top of Brendan's bunk where he had placed the picture of himself and his boys. Ray nodded in understanding.

Brendan looked at Ray warningly as though daring him to ask any more questions. Instead, Ray stood up and sat on the edge of his bed. He looked thoughtful.

"What?" Brendan finally asked.

"You are a puzzle, Brendan"

Brendan shook his head, laughing. "So are ye. Ye just fucked me"

"You wanted it as much as me" Ray replied, his eyes twinkling.

"That's not the point. Ye initiated it" Brendan considered this for a moment. "Why did ye?"

"Because I wanted to. You're a gorgeous guy, Brendan. And you were opening up to me, I just wanted to, I don't know, be close to you I guess"

Brendan looked at Ray ironically.

"That doesn't mean this means anything" Ray said, standing up again to dress himself. "Let's face it; we're both hopelessly devoted to other people"

"Are we now?" Brendan asked doubtfully.

"Yes. I do love Donny. I want to win him back" Ray said succinctly.

"That's just ye"

"You love Stephen" Ray stated it as a fact.

"Do I?" Brendan asked, rising to re-dress himself.

"Indefinitely" Ray said calmly, examining Brendan with his gaze once again. "We're hopeless"

"Maybe ye are" Brendan said, looking around for his shirt.

"Ah, you are a strange one" Ray said amusedly.

"How's that then?"

"One minute you open yourself up, excuse the turn of phrase, and the next you close down again"

"Yer point?"

Ray held his hands up in defence. "No point. Just saying is all"

"Well don't" Brendan said shortly. Ray moved towards him, forcing him to back against the wall. His hands rested either side of Brendan's head, his face close enough to feel his breath.

"I like you, Brendan. You're a challenge"

"Ye gonna do anything? Or are ye just gonna stand there poking me with that thing?" Brendan looked down, smirking. Ray followed his gaze.

"Hm"

Brendan took the initiative and kissed Ray once again passionately. Ray kissed him back just as ardently, moving backwards towards his bed.

When they were both on top of the bed, Brendan straddled Ray's lap, pinning his arms to the side.

"For the record, ye don't know me. And ye don't own me. So don't be spouting all that crap about trying to work me out, because ye are going to fail" Brendan practically purred, kissing Ray once hard on the lips before climbing off of him. Ray grabbed his wrist, bringing him back for another kiss, his lips forming an easy smile.

"We'll see" he simply said.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

A few days later, Brendan received his first visiting order.

"Who do you reckon then?" Ray asked, swinging his legs over the side of Brendan's top bunk. Brendan was sat at their small desk, the letter in his hands.

"Cheryl" Brendan said tonelessly.

"That's good though, right? That's good she wants to see you, considering all you've told me about what went on"

Brendan nodded mutely, his hands still clasping the letter. "Unless something is wrong" he said, his voice rough.

Ray jumped down from the bed, placing an arm around Brendan's shoulders.

"Nothing will be wrong. She just wants to see you is all. Bet she misses you something terrible"

Brendan grunted, finally dropping the letter onto the desk. "I guess we'll see"

XXX

Brendan walked into the visitor room, his head bowed. Cheryl wasn't easy to miss amongst the crowd of people. She was dressed in her normal bright, vivid colours. Her expression went from one of joy to dismay. Brendan felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Sis" he greeted her, sitting across from her. He could barely meet her eyes.

"Brendan" Cheryl breathed, grabbing his hands in her own and holding them tightly, reassuringly. Brendan felt his chest lifting. "I've been so worried about you" she told him, trying to get him to look up.

Brendan did so and then looked to the side. "Really?"

"Yes! I know things weren't great between us before you, well. But I've had a lot of time to think and despite how furious I was with you for not telling me the truth, you're my brother and I love you"

Brendan finally met Cheryl's gaze. It was unwavering and undoubtedly sincere.

"Thank ye, means a lot"

Cheryl nodded, wiping at her eyes.

"So how are things? How's the club?" Brendan asked, wanting to revert to familiar conversation to abate the ache in his chest.

Cheryl sniffled a little but then smiled. "Same as ever, Warren's a nightmare"

"Tell me about it" Brendan said, taking her hands again. Cheryl smiled, sensing that Brendan needed to hear about normal things.

For the next twenty minutes of her visit, Cheryl spoke continuously about the club, the flat, Lynsey, Warren. Brendan sat back and listened attentively, grateful for the distraction. It saddened him to think that all of these things were going on back in Chester and he wasn't a part of it.

At the end of her long monologue, Cheryl suddenly looked uncomfortable.

"What is it?" Brendan asked, starting to panic again.

"I wasn't sure whether to say anything…" Cheryl began awkwardly.

"Chez" Brendan said insistently, leaning forwards. "Just tell me"

Cheryl took a deep breath, looking apologetic. "It's Ste"

Brendan leaned back, closing his eyes shut. He breathed deeply through his nose, trying to control himself.

"What about him?" He asked with difficultly.

"He's not himself" Cheryl started quickly as though keen to get it all out. "He's distant, he has bags under his eyes, he's losing weight…"

Brendan's eyes snapped open at that. "He's skinny enough as it is!" He exclaimed louder than he meant to.

"I know, that's why I'm so worried" Cheryl explained, looking at Brendan sadly.

"Have ye tried talking to him?"

"Of course, but he won't say much. He's so quiet at work. I think Noah and him are having problems as well…"

"Well, that'll be it then" Brendan said firmly.

"No, they're having problems because of the state he's in" Cheryl insisted. "I think he misses you, Bren" Cheryl added very quietly. Brendan closed his eyes again.

"That's ridiculous"

"I know you two have had the worst time of it, and in some ways I think you should stay away from each other…"

"But?" Brendan asked evenly.

"I think you should let him come see you"

"What?" Brendan asked angrily, almost banging his fist on the table in frustration. He chewed on his fingers instead.

"He's miserable! He needs to see that you're okay"

"No"

"Brendan! You owe him this much, after all you've put him through. I know he isn't entirely innocent in all this either but still, that's no reason to punish him for it"

"I'm not"

"Then what are you doing?"

"I don't want him to see me here like this" Brendan explained, feeling ashamed.

"That's just stupid!"

Brendan raised his eyebrows at her.

"Well it is!" She repeated. "He won't care! He just wants to see you"

"It won't help"

"You can't know that"

"Well, I do"

Brendan sighed, rubbing at this face. "I can't handle this"

"You can and you will. I'm telling him he's coming, end of discussion"

Brendan opened his mouth to argue but Cheryl cut him off. "You owe me"

Brendan closed his mouth again.

"Fine"

XXX

Brendan re-entered his cell and immediately began to pace. He could feel Ray looking at him but he ignored him. Brendan sat down for a few seconds but then stood up again and resumed pacing. He sighed heavily as he did so, deep in thought.

Eventually Ray broke the silence. "What's wrong?"

Brendan looked at him sharply, shaking his head, and pacing once more.

"What did Cheryl say?" Ray asked more persistently this time.

"Not important" Brendan murmured, running his fingers through his hair.

Ray stood up and began pacing alongside Brendan as though this was the best way to understand him.

"What are ye doing?" Brendan asked after a while.

"I'm pacing" Ray said pleasantly.

"Why?"

"Because you are"

"That makes no sense"

"It looked like fun"

"Well it isn't"

"Alright then" Ray sat down again.

Brendan looked at him, feeling irritated.

"It's Stephen" he finally said, sitting next to Ray on the bed.

"He okay?" Ray asked quietly.

"No, not really" Brendan laid back, his hands over his face.

"What's the matter with him?"

"Me apparently"

Ray was silent for moment, absorbing these words. "What's the story with you two?" he asked eventually.

Brendan looked at him between his fingers. "It's a long story"

Ray gestured around them. "I think we have infinite time"

Brendan sighed, sitting up again. "Okay…" he said cagily, taking a deep breath.

_Brendan's POV_

"_I came to England to stay with my sister, Cheryl. She was interested in buying this club, Chez Chez. If I'm honest I stuck around to get a piece of the action. I told her Eileen had cheated on me, complete lie of course. It didn't take long to settle in, meet some of the locals. I surveyed everyone, looking out for people who would be easy to manipulate, to help me achieve what I wanted. _

_First time I met Stephen… I barely acknowledged him. Insulted him, I think. Next time I punched him in the face. He was a cocky little shit, wanted a job. The punch was my answer, as it often was. But he convinced me eventually, said he had kids to support. It struck a nerve with me and besides, I didn't want the hassle of him running his mouth off. _

_I didn't notice him for a while. He was just there. He started poking his nose into my business, I didn't like that. But then I really started to notice him. He stood up to me, he was…a challenge I guess. He was my type, as ye well know. Skinny, small, fair-haired. Fucking beautiful if I'm honest with ye. _

_He got with some girl, no good for him. I changed that for him, slowly drove them apart from each other. I didn't want him with anyone else, he was my conquest. Winning him over would be my reward. _

_I planned the whole thing from the start. Said my mates had stood me up, got him to offer to go out somewhere with me. Took him back to mine when I 'forgot' my money. Plied him with booze, tripped him up, made him want to kiss me…_

_That was where it all started. It was like a game for me. One minute I was kissing him, taking his clothes off, next minute I turned on him. Cold shoulder, broken ribs…_

_Then it all changed. I don't know how he got under my skin but he did. Something terrible happened to him, and he needed me. Needed my support. So I gave it. I'm not a monster, Ray. Not completely. _

_It all started to click into place. When he wasn't near me, I wanted him so badly. I was so furious with him for not being there but at the same time if he came to me, I hated him for it. No. Hated myself for it. _

_I've never admitted this to anyone…I…"_

"_You what?" Ray probed gently. _

"_I fell in love with him._

_And that was where it all really started. One big mess. I didn't lash out again for months and months. There were some good times…some of the best… But then one day this guy came back into my life, someone from my past. Stephen started to ask questions…the wrong ones. I lost it. I hit him in the face, once, and again. I was barely conscious of what I was doing. Couldn't understand why there was a pool of blood on the floor, around his lips. I was out of it. He said some things, hurtful things, what I deserved. _

_Our second goodbye, only this time it ended a lot more bitterly. _

_Nothing happened for a while. He found someone else, someone completely wrong for him in every conceivable way. I bit my tongue on it. Didn't approach him, left him alone. But he kept coming back to me. I couldn't seem to get him out of my system. I knew I would do anything to protect him, lay down my life for him. _

_But I was living this lie, a lie I had lived my entire life. I was forced out…because someone threatened him. I was so frustrated. I wanted him, but I couldn't bring myself to want him. Couldn't give him what he wanted, even though I was so desperate to" _

"_And then what?" _

"_I'm not saying any more. That's all ye need to know" _

XXX

Ray took a deep, drawn out breath.

"Quite a mess then"

"Ye"

"So what's the problem now?"

"He wants to see me"

And you don't?"

Ray looked at Brendan steadily. Brendan stared back. "I honestly don't know"

Ray sighed, looking sympathetic. "But you're going to"

"Ye, I have no choice"

"No, you don't"

Brendan balled up his fists in frustration. "I just can't fix anything. Everything I touch crumbles beneath me"

"That's not true" Ray said, placing his hand over Brendan's curled fists. "See? Still here" he flexed his hand experimentally before replacing it over Brendan's.

"Thank ye, Ray. I don't know why ye listened to me. Don't know why I told ye these things"

"It's because I'm here, and I get it. And I'm practically a stranger"

"Hardly" Brendan said, looking at him suggestively.

"You can have sex with someone, but it only means something when you want it to" Ray said calmly, looking at Brendan in serious consternation.

"Ye" Brendan nodded, looking thoughtful. "Ye aren't wrong there"

"Thing is, I see a lot of myself in you, Brendan. You've been through a lot, I can see that, even if I haven't heard the whole story" Ray stared out into space for a moment. "I want to help you"

"It isn't yer problem"

"No. But I want it to be" Ray looked at Brendan, smiling slightly. "No one was there to help me through my worst days. What a difference it would have made… but anyway, it's not about me right now"

"What do I do?" Brendan asked, not really looking for an answer. "He'll come here, and what will that prove? What will it change?"

"Nothing. But you aren't doing it to change anything; you're doing it for one reason and one reason only"

"Oh ye? And what's that?" Brendan asked evenly.

"For him"


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

That night, Brendan lay on his bed on top of the covers just staring at the ceiling. He hated being here; he felt caged and trapped like a predatory animal at the zoo. Ray helped a great deal but even he couldn't disguise the fact that Brendan was in prison and could potentially be sent down for a crime he didn't commit. Brendan turned onto his side and wrapped his arms around himself, wishing for comfort that would never come.

He wished that he was back in his own bed at home knowing that Cheryl was right across the hall whenever he needed her. When Steph had died, Cheryl had often snuck into his room to snuggle up to him for a while when she was feeling sad or couldn't sleep. She told Brendan he made her feel safe; her big brother, her hero. Only now that wasn't the case. Brendan had really let her down and he wasn't certain that she would ever forgive him fully for it.

In a few days time Brendan would see Stephen again and he really didn't know how he felt about it. Normally when they had the chance to talk they had been in a private situation which would inevitably lead to less talking and more physical intimacy. In here however Brendan would be forced to simply speak to him; no chance of seducing him to avoid personal talks. Brendan felt strangely unnerved by the whole thing.

He spent the next few days noticeably quiet. He felt as though he was working on autopilot. Ray respected his need for personal thought and didn't press him for conversation too heavily. It was almost as though he anticipated Brendan's needs. That was often the case when you lived with someone; particularly when it was constant 24/7 as it was for Brendan and Ray.

When the day arrived for Stephen's visit, Brendan didn't sleep all night. Sensing that he wouldn't be able to sleep, Ray had given him one of his numerous books to read. Brendan barely got through the first five pages before he tossed it to the side. He wasn't a big reader and it especially wasn't likely to happen when he was feeling this distracted.

When the alarm call went off, Brendan rose off of the bed immediately, ignoring Ray's sympathetic looks. They went straight to showers where Brendan felt it was necessary to scrub himself so hard he was almost red. He had a quick shave; he wasn't quite so meticulous in here. He combed his moustache as well; it was certainly getting more unruly from lack of regular care.

His hands shook slightly as he made his way back to his cell, sitting up straight in the chair, hands clasped in front of him to steady them. When the guard came to collect him, Ray patted him once on the back with a small smile. Brendan tried to return it but he was certain it was more of a grimace.

Brendan walked into the visitor's room, immediately spotting Stephen sitting nearby, looking incredibly uncomfortable and nervous. He looked up as though sensing someone was watching him and caught Brendan's eye, staring him down. When Brendan walked closer he stood up and went to him, clasping him briefly before the guards attempted to come over to separate them. In their brief embrace Brendan clasped Stephen's head towards his chest and sniffed at his hair, reacquainting himself with his scent. He was pleased to acknowledge it was still the same and that he didn't smell of another man.

Brendan sat down slowly, his eyes never leaving Stephen's as he did the same. They simply looked at each other for a moment before Stephen reached across the table to Brendan's hands, hesitated, and then withdrew quickly as though thinking better of it. Brendan didn't know who would end up breaking the silence first so he thought he would begin.

"It's nice to see ye, Stephen" He said quietly, looking down.

Stephen said nothing, making Brendan look up at him curiously. He was alarmed to see tears already springing in Stephen's eyes.

"Hey, don't cry" he said softly, reaching across the table to hold his hand.

"I'm sorry" Stephen sniffled, rubbing at his eyes and nose with his spare hand.

Brendan took this opportunity to really look at him. Cheryl had been right; he looked terrible. He looked as though he hadn't slept in days and he was infinitely skinnier than the last time Brendan had seen him.

"Are ye okay?" He asked, looking him in the eye. Stephen tried to avoid his gaze. "Hey, look at me" Brendan insisted, squeezing his hand gently.

Stephen did so reluctantly. He must have seen some emotion in Brendan's face because he attempted to pull himself together, straightening his back and sniffing for the final time.

"I'm okay" He said quietly. "This is just…really difficult"

"I know" Brendan said gently. "It isn't any easier for me"

Stephen smiled a little at that. "No, I don't suppose it is"

"Cheryl says ye have been struggling a bit…" Brendan began, tilting his head to the side.

Stephen looked away, looking ashamed. "I wish she hadn't, I told her not to say anything"

"So you knew she was coming to see me, hm?"

"Yeah. I wanted to come too but she said she had better ask you first… I'm so pleased you said yes"

Brendan looked away. "I had no choice really". Stephen winced at his words, making Brendan instantly regret them. "That doesn't mean I didn't want to see ye, it's just…hard"

Stephen nodded in understanding. "I know I was only in young offenders but it was the worse year of my life… I felt so trapped"

"I know the feeling" Brendan sighed. "But I've been okay, really. Made a friend"

"Oh yeah?" Stephen asked in interest.

"He's called Ray" Brendan began awkwardly.

"That's nice" Stephen said, fixing Brendan with a look. "You don't normally make friends so easy…" he said suspiciously.

"Hm, I know" Brendan replied cagily. Stephen's expression was incredulous.

"Is something going on between you two?" He asked abruptly, sounding hurt.

"Stephen-"

"No, I want to know" he said sharply, drawing his hand away. "I should have known really, you in here with all these men…" He frowned and crossed his arms. Brendan couldn't help but smile.

"I love it when ye get all jealous" He teased, reaching across the table to hold Stephen's chin. "And yes, I'm not going to lie to ye, something did happen… but it's nothing. Ray's got someone at home for him and as for me…"

"Yeah?" Stephen asked, thawing out a little.

Brendan shook his head. "We shouldn't go there"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm in here, Stephen. And ye are with Noah"

Stephen looked decidedly shifty. "I'm not. Not anymore"

Brendan couldn't ignore the lift in his mood. "Really? What happened?"

"Well, Chez must have told you we were having problems…"

Brendan nodded, urging him on.

"I guess he just had enough in the end. Sick of my moods, my lack of interest…" Stephen flushed a little at this. Brendan smirked in response.

"That's what I like to hear"

"But why? You seem to have moved on quickly…" Stephen said with a little resentment in his tone.

"It isn't like that" Brendan said quietly. "Ray's been helping me…come to terms with things"

"What things?"

"Why I am the way I am. What I can do to change it"

Stephen looked more annoyed than ever. "And you'll change for him will you but not me?"

"That isn't the point, Stephen. I'm only changing for myself"

"And then what?"

"I really don't know" Brendan said truthfully, taking Stephen's hand again. "All I do know is that ye deserve better than me"

"That isn't for you to decide"

"I know that. But look, I'll be in here until the trial and ye will be at home, just promise me something, ye?"

Stephen looked at him and then nodded.

"Take care of yerself. Have time for ye, no one else"

"Why?" Stephen asked suspiciously.

"Because ye do everything for everyone else, sometimes ye need to be a little selfish for yerself"

"Wow, Ray really is making you change" Stephen said, but it wasn't ironically said, he almost sounded impressed.

"Our time's nearly up" Brendan announced, looking over at the guards.

"Already?" Stephen asked, sounding distressed.

"Ye, afraid so"

"Can I come back again?"

"I'm not sure…" Brendan began uncertainly.

"Please, Bren"

Brendan closed his eyes. "God it feels nice hearing ye call me that" he muttered, surprised at himself for the revelation. He opened his eyes to see Stephen staring at him with an odd smile on his face.

"Bren, before I go…" Stephen said hurriedly, aware that the guards were starting to usher people to leave.

"Ye?"

"About what happened…"

Brendan waved a hand. "Let's not talk about that"

Stephen hesitated a moment but then nodded. "Okay. One more thing" Stephen said, standing up.

Brendan looked up questionably. Stephen leaned forwards to give him a quick kiss.

"I love you" he whispered, before the guards made him leave. His hand dropped out of Brendan's as he walked away, making Brendan's hand feel cold. It wasn't the only place that did.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

The next few days passed by somewhat uneventfully. Ray didn't ask about how it had gone with Stephen and Brendan didn't mention it. He didn't really know what was going on himself. Right now however he needed to focus on himself, and how he was going to get himself out of this terrible situation.

"Ray" Brendan began, sitting with his legs drawn up to his chest, his arms supporting his head. They were sitting outside again; it was a nice day, as far as nice days went in prison.

"Yes, Brendan?" Ray asked from his position on the floor where he was doing his daily sit ups.

"What was it like, going to court?"

"Which time?" Ray replied, grinning.

"I'm not fussy" Brendan said sardonically.

Ray sat up and stretched his arms to the sky. His shirt rose up a little, exposing his flat stomach. Once again Brendan found himself staring. He looked away hastily, waiting for Ray's reply.

"Well to tell you the truth, it's scary as fuck" Ray laughed, standing up to stretch his legs out. "But you just gotta keep your head down, answers their questions and get the fuck outta there quick as you can"

"And what if it's no good? And they still charge ye?"

Ray sighed, looking at Brendan. "You just have to take it like a man"

Brendan looked down, his hands held out in front of him. "And if ye can't do that?"

"Then that's what I'm here for" Ray smiled kindly at Brendan. "You won't get charged though, I'm almost certain of it"

"Ye?"

"Definitely. They'll take one look at that pretty face of yours and be putty in your hands" Ray grinned. Brendan gave him a playful shove.

"I ain't pretty"

"Nah, otherwise Donny would have some competition" Ray winked.

"He still does" Brendan retorted, smirking.

"I'll bet" Ray said easily, sitting beside Brendan. "We get post later today"

"Great" Brendan mumbled.

"You expecting anything?"

"Not really" Brendan looked upwards at the sky. "Ye ever think about escaping?"

"Course not. That's a fools dream. I've seen people try, never ends well"

Brendan grunted, looking down again. "The monotony in here, it's getting to me"

"It gets to everyone, you get used to it"

"How many times ye been in here?"

"This is my third" Ray said with a moment's thought. "First time when I was twenty-one, four years I got as you know. Armed robbery. Then again when I was twenty-seven" Ray looked at his hands solemnly. "GBH"

"Seriously?" Brendan asked in some surprise. "Who?"

"Who do you think?" Ray said quietly.

Brendan nodded in sudden understanding. "It took ye two years?"

"Had to track him down, almost like he knew I was after him"

"And what happened when ye found him?"

Ray laughed darkly. "It wasn't pretty... broke a few of his bones, messed his face up pretty bad, nutted him as well"

"Nice" Brendan commented, smiling.

"He got some punches in too. I barely felt them" Ray looked pensive again. "I just kept seeing _his_ face. I saw the body after, when they cleaned him up. He looked so small…" Ray shuddered a little at the memory. Brendan wrapped an arm around his shoulder, feeling more than a little disturbed at the mention of dead bodies.

"And then what happened?"

"I got arrested, went away willingly. Spat on him before I did though"

"Did ye tell the police who he was?"

"Oh yeah. He got life" Ray nodded.

Brendan thought about this for a moment. "Is he in here?"

Ray looked at him. "No. Not any more. They had to move him to another prison; too many fights…Got me an extra year in here making it three in total. I was lucky my sentence was short, I guess they felt sorry for me" Ray smiled a little at that.

"And this time?"

Ray smirked a little. "Only got a year, six months if I can get out on good behaviour, which I will. Learnt my lesson there"

"When did ye meet Donny then?"

Ray looked thoughtful for a moment. "When I was about twenty-six. I didn't tell him the story about Johnny for a long time. He was appalled when I got sent down, but he stuck by me… waited for me. Not this time though"

"So ye have been together how long now?"

"Eight years"

"Jeez" Brendan breathed out.

Ray looked at him and smiled. "That surprise you?"

"Well, ye…"

"You were married though right? But I guess that didn't really count"

"No…"

"So you and Stephen, how long?"

"Almost a year"

"That all?" Ray laughed. "It gets easier in time, trust me"

"Hm" Brendan's lips quirked. "So what happened? Why did Donny end it?"

Ray breathed out deeply. "He just, didn't approve of my lifestyle"

"Why did ye steal a hundred grand?" Brendan asked curiously.

Ray chuckled lightly. "That's another story" he stood up, holding out a hand to Brendan to help him up. "Come on, post should be arriving soon, let's go back in"

XXX

Brendan was surprised to see that he had received a letter. He tore it open eagerly when he noticed the familiar handwriting. Ray lay on his bed, reading his own letter. Brendan sat at the desk, poring over the short words.

_Bren,_

_Thanks again for letting me come see you. It helped, it really did. I'm not sure why I decided to write you really except to say that I took your advice. I'm taking the kids away from the village for a while; I need some time away to think about things. _

_I'll still come see you, if you want me to. You only have to ask. I know that sounds pretty pathetic but I can't help it. Listen though; I get what you were saying before, about us not being able to be together right now. I'm not even worried really that you got with Ray because I know we'll find each other again, somehow. _

_Just…take care of yourself. When you're ready, I'll be here. I never could walk away, could I? _

_Ste x_

Brendan didn't have time to ponder over this letter because he immediately heard something crashing against the wall.

"What the fuck?" He said in alarm, jumping up.

"_Shit_"Ray breathed, nursing his hand. He was bleeding.

"What did ye do?" Brendan asked in panic, rushing towards him.

"I punched the wall" Ray said, wincing.

"Why did ye do that ye idiot?"

Ray shook his head, climbing off of the bed. He went to the door and started banging on it.

"I need a guard!" He turned back to Brendan. "Sorry I scared you, I had reasons"

Brendan looked at him incredulously. "Ye don't just punch the wall! What were ye thinking?"

"I was thinking that I've wasted eight years of my life" Ray said angrily, his teeth bared.

"What are ye on about?" Brendan asked in annoyance.

"He's fucking someone else!" Ray roared, not really directing his rage at Brendan. The door of the prison cell burst open suddenly. "Lovely, nice of you to join us. I need a doctor, thanks"

"Ray-" Brendan began.

"I'll see you later" Ray nodded at him before being swept out by the guard.

Brendan could only stand motionless, glancing at the wall which was dented slightly.

"That guy has a mean punch" Brendan muttered to himself, strangely impressed.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

When Ray returned an hour later, his hand was bandaged up and his expression was sour.

Brendan stood up when he entered the cell and walked towards him, taking his wrist in his hand and inspecting the bandage.

"Is it broken?" He asked, his fingertips running lightly over the injury.

"Just badly bruised and cracked" Ray sighed, taking a seat. "As if things couldn't get any worse"

"Ye wanna tell me about it?"

Ray looked at Brendan serenely. "You heard what I said, he's found someone else"

"No" Brendan stated, sitting on the bed. "Ye said he's fucking someone else"

"There's a difference?" Ray asked bitterly.

"Well, ye. Weren't ye the one to tell me sex doesn't mean anything unless ye want it to?"

Ray sighed. "You shouldn't listen to me, Brendan. I can't follow my own example, clearly"

Brendan looked at him carefully, taking in his slumped shoulders and morose expression. He didn't think he had ever seen him this dejected since he had met him. Granted it hadn't been that long but Ray was the kind of bloke who exuded confidence and tranquillity. He certainly didn't take things too seriously and that was what Brendan really liked about him. Brendan was so paranoid all the time and it was nice to have such a calming influence in Ray as a cell mate. Until today that is.

"Ye have helped me a lot, Ray. More than ye know" Brendan began, looking at Ray calmly. "But we all lose control of ourselves sometimes, especially over someone we love"

"But I should know better" Ray said, looking at the floor.

Brendan laughed lightly. "No one's perfect. Ye shouldn't beat yerself up over it, literally"

Ray smiled a little at this. "I just can't handle the idea of him with someone else…"

"He's bound to be thinking of ye still though, otherwise he wouldn't have told ye"

"That isn't too comforting" Ray laughed darkly. "How can he do this?" He muttered to himself.

"Well, ye fucked me didn't ye? Why was that?" Brendan countered, his head tilted to the side.

Ray opened his mouth to reply but then closed it, frowning. "That's not the same"

"Why? Because ye are the boss?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ray asked angrily, standing up. Brendan mirrored his position, standing closely in front of him.

"Blokes like us, we like to be in control" Brendan began carefully. "But as ye have been telling me, sometimes it's okay to give up that little ounce of control. It can even be fun…" Brendan raised his eyebrows suggestively but Ray wasn't having any of it.

"This isn't about control though, Brendan. And I think I'm allowed to get a little upset if my partner of eight years is fucking someone else"

"And I'm just saying, cut the guy some slack. Ye don't know the full story yet"

"I don't need to" Ray said bitterly, pacing around the room.

Brendan sighed, rubbing his temples in thought. Neither man said anything for a while. Brendan was debating whether to say something else and eventually decided to just go for it, consequences be damned.

"Ye are being a bit of a hypocrite, ye know"

"Excuse me?" Ray glared at Brendan incredulously.

"Ye are getting annoyed that Donny has been with someone else and yet only last week ye were fucking me against the wall. Just saying" Brendan held up his hands defensively.

Ray took a few steps towards him. "Okay, and say your Stephen was fucking someone else? How would you feel?"

Brendan smiled slightly. "That's the thing, I know how that feels. Up until a few days ago Stephen was with someone else"

"And you didn't get angry?" Ray asked.

"Of course I did. But I had no right to say anything, at the time. I hurt him bad, we hurt each other… he was doing the right thing finding someone else"

Ray laughed. "That's a load of crap! You said it yourself, Brendan. Me and you are dominant types; we can't stand the idea of someone else getting what we think is ours"

"Maybe that needs to change"

"I thought I was" Ray muttered, running his uninjured hand through his hair.

"Ye are a good man, Ray. This is just a minor set back, that's all. I get how ye are feeling"

"But you don't! Donny was my second chance to be happy and to deserve it"

"Then why did ye blow it by stealing all that money?" Brendan countered.

Ray growled low in his throat before pushing at Brendan. "You have no idea what I stole it for!"

"Then tell me!" Brendan implored, his eyes wide.

Ray froze, his hand clasped in Brendan's shirt. "No" he said quietly.

"Alright" Brendan breathed. "Are ye going to let go of me now?" He added, glancing down at Ray's hand. Ray followed his gaze. Even though they had been arguing, they had inexplicably been drawn closer together physically.

"Do you want me to?" Ray breathed, looking into Brendan's face.

"No. But is this the right time?"

"Don't be soft" Ray murmured, crushing his lips against Brendan's. "I need this right now"

"Just say it, ye need me" Brendan said smugly.

Ray pushed Brendan onto the bed in response, climbing on top of him. "Do you often go from having an argument with someone to flirting with them?" Ray asked, starting to smile.

Brendan thought about this for a moment. "Yes, actually. But ye kissed me so…"

Ray responded by kissing him again, undoing Brendan's prison uniform as he did so.

Brendan curled his fingers in Ray's hair, his hand rested on his waist. With a swift motion, he pulled him from on top of him, reversing their positions. He grinned triumphantly having Ray beneath him.

Ray rolled his eyes. "I told you, we're both too dominant"

"Can ye imagine if we were together?" Brendan laughed, taking Ray's uniform off.

"Nightmare" Ray agreed, smiling. He sat up on his arms, his face close to Brendan's own. "Thank you"

"What for?"

"Giving me a much needed lecture"

"No problem. Ye can make it up to me now" Brendan replied, grasping Ray's cock in his hand.

"I intend to" Ray whispered, grabbing Brendan's neck and pulling the both of them down, kissing all the while.

"Ye gonna let me top?" Brendan asked after a while, breathing heavily.

"No chance" Ray grinned, flipping them back to their original position. Somehow Brendan found his head at the edge of the bed.

Ray prepared Brendan, kissing against his throat as he did so. "I wish I had some handcuffs" he whispered into Brendan's ear, stroking gently against his wrists.

Brendan laughed. "Maybe we could steal some when the guards aren't looking"

"Sounds fun" Ray grinned, poised for entry.

"Ye gonna get in there or are we gonna continue chatting?" Brendan asked sarcastically.

Ray's eyes gleamed brightly for a moment before he pushed inside. Brendan groaned a little, gripping Ray's waist.

"Ah… you sure know how to make a guy feel better, Brendan"

"What can I say?" Brendan mumbled, overwhelmed by the intensity of Ray's thrusts. "It's what I do best"

"I'm sure" Ray laughed, stroking along Brendan's jaw line.

As they moved together, Brendan found his hips pushing up to meet Ray's thrusts as though they were both obtaining control. Brendan found his head lolling over the side of the bed, his eyes closed, his throat on display. Ray moved to lick and nibble there whilst kissing over any small marks he made. Brendan gripped the back of his head, urging him to continue whenever he tried to pull away.

It was almost a power struggle, both men trying to regain control of the situation; both trying to give the other more pleasure as though it proved something. Brendan found himself giving in towards the end, allowing Ray to bring him to the height of ecstasy, feeling himself climax over the friction between their two bodies while Ray exploded inside of him, somehow finding his way to grab Brendan's hand as he did so, gripping tightly.

If this was a game of dominance, Brendan was certainly going to enjoy playing it.


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Some time later, Brendan found himself draped over Ray's chest; the other man sleeping soundly beneath him. He twitched a little in his sleep, making Brendan smile fondly at him. Even though he had just met the man a few weeks ago, he knew he would be a friend for life. He had already taught him so much about himself; things that no one else had been able to get through to him. And Brendan knew this was only the beginning of a new start for him. If he could get out of this place that is.

Feeling a little cold, Brendan drew the covers up over the both of them. The bed was too small for two such large men but Brendan didn't have it in him to move. It felt nice to share a bed with someone again, less lonely almost. The last person had been Stephen; it felt like a lifetime ago now.

Closing his eyes, Brendan found for the first time since he had been there that he could sleep soundly. Even his nightmares abated for the night. They were always the same anyway; Danny's face, covered in blood, a look of dismay and shock in his expression. It normally coincided with Stephen lying on the floor, covered in blood, glaring up at Brendan whose hands were bleeding. Sometimes in the nightmares they never stopped bleeding and Brendan often awoke in a cold sweat grasping his hands as though trying to locate the outpour of blood that was never there.

Tonight however, he was mercifully nightmare-free. When he awoke the next morning to the alarm call, he opened his eyes blearily, looking down at Ray. Ray grinned at him, running his hand down Brendan's bare arm. Their legs had became tangled together sometime in the night and Brendan's arms ached from the awkward position of their bodies.

"Good sleep?" Ray asked, yawning.

"Best in a while" Brendan answered truthfully, extricating himself from the bed. He stretched his back like a cat, his arms reaching towards the ceiling.

"Nice sight to wake up to" Ray observed, swinging his legs out of the bed.

"Glad I could oblige" Brendan grinned, gathering his clothes from up of the floor. "Ye feeling better today?"

"Yeah, thanks" Ray said, dressing himself. "I overreacted"

"We've all done that" Brendan reasoned.

Ray nodded, moving towards the cell door. "I think some rigorous exercise might clear my head"

Brendan moved up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. "I can think of something rigorous" he murmured.

Ray turned his head to the side to smile at Brendan. "Perhaps later, I don't fancy getting a bollocking from the guards for shagging my cell mate"

"Fair point" Brendan said, taking his arms away from Ray when the cell door opened.

"I have a good idea of how to make today a little bit more fun though" Ray whispered to Brendan as they were led out by the guards.

"Oh ye?" Brendan asked, interested.

"Yeah. I think we both need a little distraction…"

"Sounds perfect" Brendan agreed.

They stepped into the showers, not engaging in conversation with the other inmates as usual. Ray nodded to a few of them; they were all very respectful to him and because Brendan was his friend, they didn't give him any trouble either. The unfortunate thing was however that there were constantly new inmates arriving who didn't know the status quo of the prison and as today proved, problems would often arise.

"Are those the queers?" One bloke whispered to another. Ray inclined his head slightly, his back tensed up. Brendan couldn't find himself getting too worked up at the moment; he had used the term often enough, not that it was the right thing to do. Ray was teaching him that.

"Shut up" A different man hissed, looking at Ray warily.

"Why?" The original bloke said, a little louder this time. "I don't want to share a shower with them, to be honest"

Ray turned his head around slightly, looking at the man. "I don't really want to be sharing a shower with your repulsive body either, but what can ya do?"

"What did you say, queer?" The man stepped forwards, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"Ray" Brendan said quietly, placing a hand on Ray's shoulder. "Leave it"

"Yeah, Ray. Leave it" The man teased. "Do what your little boyfriend says"

"Ha! Little am I" Brendan said, striding forwards. He hovered slightly above the man. "I could crush ye like a worm, mate"

"I don't want you crushing me anywhere" The man retorted.

"Very…ah…witty" Brendan said, smirking and gesturing with one of his hands.

"You think this is funny, gay boy?" He snarled.

"I'm not gay" Brendan said, rage burning beneath the surface.

"No? Then why have I seen you two looking at each other in here?"

"Why were ye looking at us?" Brendan countered, his eyebrows raised.

The man's face reddened. "Are you accusing me of-"

"I'm not accusing ye of anything" Brendan said mildly.

"Yes you are!" The man shouted, pushing Brendan, who fell back against Ray. "Ha! See! Practically bumming each other"

Brendan saw red. He lurched forwards, shoving the man back against the shower wall, his arm at his throat. "Ye wanna keep ye head? I'd suggest ye shut the fuck up"

The other man who had been listening to this man's words in the first place placed a hand on Brendan's shoulder threateningly. Brendan turned his head slightly to see Ray pull the man roughly away from Brendan, the both of them scuffling and slipping slightly in the wetness of the shower room. Brendan's momentary distraction allowed the man he was gripping against the wall to kick him hard against the leg.

Brendan snarled, wincing in pain before he promptly head-butted him, seeing the blood pool out of his nose down onto his lips. Brendan suddenly lost himself in a flashback of Danny's face looking exactly the same and for a moment his eyes widened and he felt as though he wasn't really here at all. The noises around him drowned out. He vaguely felt a hand on his back and the presence of the guards coming in to break up the commotion. Brendan felt himself be led away but he was barely conscious.

It was only when he had been placed back in his cell with Ray that he came back to himself. Ray was looking at him worriedly, trying to get him to look at him.

"Brendan? Are you okay? Talk to me" Ray pleaded, his hands gripping Brendan's arms.

Brendan shook his head to clear it. "Sorry, I'm fine"

"What the hell happened? One minute you were there and the next…"

"Felt faint" Brendan lied, taking a seat. "Happens sometimes"

Ray didn't look entirely convinced but he didn't ask anymore questions.

"Thanks for having my back in there" Ray said quietly. "Means a lot"

"It was nothing" Brendan replied, his head bowed.

"Yes it was. You didn't have to do that"

"Course I did. Ye are my friend"

Ray smiled at that, patting Brendan jovially on the shoulder. "I won't forget it"

"Good"

They were silent for a few moments.

"We aren't allowed out again today, kind of backtracks on my great plan" Ray commented.

"Always tomorrow" Brendan muttered.

"Sure" Ray said happily enough.

Ray kneeled in front of him, his hands over Brendan's own. "You sure you're okay?"

"Of course" Brendan muttered. "Being in here…it gets to ye"

"I know" Ray said softly, squeezing Brendan's hands. "You won't be here long though, I'm sure of that. I'll miss you when you're gone"

Brendan smirked a little. "I'll bet"

"Seriously" Ray said, his eyes wide.

"I believe ye" Brendan replied a little more soberly.

Ray nodded, glancing around the room. "You wanna play cards or something?"

Brendan looked up. "Sure. Let me do this first though"

"What's that?"

Brendan reached over and kissed Ray on the lips, his hand gripping the back of his neck.

"Better" he murmured, pulling away.

"Glad I could help" Ray smiled, reaching over to the desk for the pack of cards. "You a poker man?"

"We have no money to bet" Brendan observed.

"We could trade sexual favours" Ray suggested.

"Ha!" Brendan laughed, sitting opposite Ray on the bed. "Let's leave poker for now. Play an ordinary game, win or lose"

"Oh yeah? How come?"

"Because I'll win"

"And what will you win for it?"

"Ye will let me top" Brendan smirked, his eyes glinting mischievously.

Ray chuckled. "Sounds like a good deal"


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Unsurprisingly, Brendan did win. Ray gave him a long-suffering but amused look as Brendan grinned triumphantly, eager to obtain his prize. Brendan pulled Ray towards him by his fingertips. It wasn't as easy a method as it had proved to be in the past. Ray came along willingly enough, his fingers trailing lazily up Brendan's arm.

"So you finally get what you wanted" Ray whispered, smiling.

"Ye love it really" Brendan teased, kissing Ray softly several times on the lips.

"This is only a one off, mind you" Ray warned, stripping out of his prison uniform.

"Sure, we'll see" Brendan replied, pulling his own clothes off.

They moved towards the small desk in their cell, Brendan pushed Ray against it while he kissed him. Ray wrapped his hands around Brendan's buttocks, squeezing there.

"We gonna do this here?" Ray asked breathlessly, Brendan's face against his neck.

"Ye better believe it" Brendan growled, beginning to prepare Ray.

It was quick and frantic. Brendan found himself swept away in the moment, overwhelmed by how good it felt to be doing this after so long. It wasn't quite the same as his other encounters; even though Ray allowed him to top he still didn't yield fully to Brendan. Sometimes he even pushed against him as though wanting to take back the control.

When they were sated, Brendan cleaned them up and sat on the edge of the bed, feeling hot and sweaty even after their morning shower.

"Are we really stuck in here all day?" He asked, rolling his eyes to the ceiling.

"I'm afraid so. That's what we get for getting into fights in the shower room"

"Those other blokes didn't get punished though" Brendan observed with annoyance.

"That's prison for you. They don't care about the whole story, waste of their time"

Brendan frowned a little. "I don't know how people last in here, I really don't"

"It isn't easy" Ray began, slipping his clothes back on. "But as I said before, you get used to it. Speaking of which…" he trailed off looking at Brendan thoughtfully.

"Ye?" Brendan asked curiously.

"Are you ever going to get used to being gay?"

Brendan froze and looked at Ray blankly. "I'm not-"

"But you are" Ray said bluntly, his gaze unwavering.

Brendan was speechless for a moment. "No. I'm not" he said carefully.

"Then what did we just do?" Ray asked, raising his eyebrows.

"We had sex" Brendan said slowly.

"And we're men"

"Obviously-"

"So how are you not gay?"

Brendan stood up, feeling agitated. "I'm not having this conversation with ye"

"Yes you are. We're stuck in here for a while, there's no where for you to hide from this"

"Is that right?" Brendan asked in annoyance, pacing around the room.

"Brendan, you're never going to accept yourself and others around you if you won't admit to yourself what you are"

"Why do I have to be anything?" Brendan retorted, his wild eyes flashing. "Why can't I just be Brendan?"

"You can" Ray said softly. "But from what you've told me, this is the main issue with you lashing out at Stephen"

"Please don't bring him into this" Brendan said in exasperation, his chest aching a little.

"But he's important. You love him. He's the only man you've ever loved"

"Shut up!" Brendan roared. "I'm not listening to this"

"You have to!" Ray said, moving towards Brendan and gripping his shoulders. "If you want to be with him when you're outta here you've gotta learn"

"I'm too old to learn" Brendan returned, shaking off Ray's grasp.

"That's bollocks" Ray said, moving to stand beside the desk again.

"Ye don't know about my life" Brendan muttered, moving to rest his hands against the cell door.

"I don't have to. All I know is you can't admit what you are, and it's bringing you and everyone you love around you complete and utter misery"

"Ye don't understand!" Brendan shouted, his body starting to shake. "I can't be gay! It's repulsive to me"

"But why?" Ray said more gently. "If you love someone, what should it matter what gender they are?"

"It matters to me, alright?" Brendan replied, running a shaking hand through his hair.

"What was your upbringing like?" Ray asked quietly.

"None of ye damn business!" Brendan retorted, glaring at him.

"Okay" Ray said, holding up his hands. "But you need to get it out of your head right now that being gay is wrong or repulsive. It's not your fault, it's who you are"

"It isn't" Brendan murmured, shaking his head. "Can ye just stop now? Please?" He turned his gaze to Ray, his eyes wide and pleading. Ray sighed and walked towards him, drawing him towards him.

"I'm sorry if I upset you, it wasn't my intention. I just see a lot of myself in you, Brendan. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did"

"I've probably made them all, and worse" Brendan replied, his voice muffled by his mouth against Ray's shoulder. He was appalled to feel moisture in his eyes.

"Even so" Ray said, pulling away to look into Brendan's face. "Promise me you'll at least try to get your head around this. I can't see you staying here long, I don't want you going back out there no different to how you was before"

"Why do ye care?" Brendan said quietly.

Ray looked serious for a moment. "You're my friend. And I care about you, a lot"

"I appreciate it" Brendan said, his head bowed. "I know I have to change, it's just a lot to take in…"

"I know. It'll take a long time" Ray said. "Just don't do what I did, and do something stupid enough to lose the person you love. I don't want to be stuck in here the rest of my days with a faded photograph of the two of us as all I have left of him"

"Ye won't" Brendan promised softly. "And if I get out of here before ye, I'll find him. Make him see sense"

Ray laughed a little. "Thank you, that's kind of you"

"Not the way most people describe me" Brendan said, smiling slightly.

"Well perhaps when I'm through with you people will"

"Unless ye are a miracle worker, I doubt it"

Ray smiled, patting Brendan's cheek. "Give it time" he said gently. "And who knows maybe this will be the beginning of a fresh start for you?"

"If I ever get out of here" Brendan said, looking around the cell.

"You will"

"Ye psychic or something?"

"Nah. Just seen cases like yours before, barely any evidence, no witnesses, it won't stand a chance in court"

"I hope ye are right" Brendan sighed.

"Always am" Ray said with a grin. "Now enough of this, let's play cards again"

Brendan perked up a little. "Ye? What we playing for this time?"

"Just for fun amongst friends" Ray said, patting Brendan on the back.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

The next day proved to be equally as eventful as the day before. Ray delivered on his promise to provide a necessary 'distraction' for the two of them by re-evaluating his previous suggestion to steal some handcuffs from one of the guards.

"Ye are mental" Brendan laughed, shaking his head in amused dismay.

"Come on! It's so boring in here, we need this" Ray pleaded, his hands on Brendan's shoulders.

"Boring am I?" Brendan asked ironically, his lips twitching into a bemused smile.

"Ha! Course not" Ray assured him, moving away to stand beside the cell door.

"So, how do ye propose to get said cuffs?" Brendan asked amusedly.

"Ah" Ray said, patting his nose. "You shall see, my friend"

"Why does that make me feel inexplicably nervous?" Brendan asked.

"You're a nervous fella, that's why. It's why ya need me" Ray winked.

"Hmm" Brendan agreed. "What exactly are ye waiting for?"

"To be let out" Ray replied, tapping his foot impatiently.

"And I thought I was the one who didn't like being caged"

"You are. I have other reasons"

"Care to enlighten me?"

"Patience" Ray said, smiling. The door clicked open. "Ah! Here we go" Ray added triumphantly, grinning at Brendan.

"This cannot end well…" Brendan murmured.

XXX

Ray didn't enlighten Brendan until later that day when they were outside with the other inmates, playing chess. Brendan couldn't think of a more bizarre situation to be in frankly. He saw out of the corner of his eye Ray moving towards one of the guards. Young guy, no older than twenty-five, nervous looking, small and freckly. Brendan frowned, considering what Ray's game was.

"You gonna make your move?" Brendan's opponent asked him with annoyance.

Brendan glanced down at the board and lazily moved his piece. "Checkmate. We done now? Good" He stood up and swept up behind Ray. "What the hell are ye doing?"

Ray turned his head to look at Brendan. "Putting my plan into action" he said, smirking.

"Which is?"

"You'll see" Ray whispered, approaching the prison guard, Brendan several steps behind him.

"Hello, Robert" Ray said cheerfully, placing an arm around the officer.

Brendan winced, expecting a reprimand. He was somewhat surprised by what happened next.

"_Ray_…not here. You'll get me into trouble" Robert said, blushing scarlet. Brendan's mouth dropped open a little bit.

"Nonsense!" Ray said, giving Robert an affectionate push. "All they will see is human courtesy and kindness. Besides, why shouldn't we be friends?"

Robert glanced around himself, looking uncomfortable but somewhat pleased. "I'll get into a lot of trouble, Ray"

"You let me worry about that" Ray said, placing his hand on Robert's arm, making the young lad look up at him in admiration. Ray gave Brendan the subtlest of nods.

Brendan didn't understand for a moment until his eye caught the glint of Robert's handcuffs hanging by his side. Ray gave him a minute nod once again, encouraging Brendan to fulfil his plan. Brendan scowled at him for putting him in the riskier situation.

Ray smiled at something Robert was saying, distracting his attention. Brendan slowly moved his hand forwards, his fingers looping underneath the fastening of the cuffs to Robert's belt. He gave Ray a hard look. Ray grinned a little at the corner of his mouth.

Luckily Brendan had very nimble fingers. With Robert sufficiently distracted, he was able to expertly obtain the handcuffs without the lad noticing anything. Ray gave him a wink at his success, grasping Robert's arm once more before following Brendan away from him.

"Cheers for the heads up" Brendan snarled, the handcuffs stuffed unceremoniously down his trousers.

Ray chuckled, throwing his arm carelessly around Brendan's shoulders. "Sorry. Couldn't have you letting on. It was low risk anyway; Robert's been a good mate for a while now"

"I think he's more than a _mate" _Brendan growled.

"Jealous are we?" Ray asked, his eyebrows raised.

"Fuck off! Ye could have put me in a nasty situation there" Brendan grumbled, walking awkwardly back to their cell.

"I'll make it up to you, baby" Ray grinned. Brendan pushed him towards the wall in response. "Ooh, someone's grumpy! I know what I'm doing, alright?"

Brendan gave him a look.

"Okay! Sorry! It'll be worth it, I promise"

"It better be" Brendan mumbled.

XXX

It turns out, it was.

Brendan later found himself handcuffed to the bedpost on one wrist with Ray cuffed with him on his own wrist. They were kissing, each of them struggling to do exactly what they wanted with only one spare hand. It made them both rather frustrated which made the whole experience all the more thrilling and gratifying.

Brendan found himself yanking on the cuffs whenever Ray pushed in deeply. He wanted both of his hands free so he could wrap them around Ray's masculine frame but he had found himself in an inconceivable position. Brendan Brady in handcuffs? Surely the world had gone mad.

Ray flexed the fingers of his cuffed hand, apparently just as frustrated as Brendan was.

"Regretting yer decision?" Brendan asked smugly.

"Course not" Ray replied, not sounding entirely convinced.

"We can release ourselves…" Brendan suggested.

Ray pondered this for a moment. "Alright" he finally agreed, unclasping them.

Immediately their hands found each other's bodies, exploring where they hadn't been able to thoroughly earlier.

"Better?" Ray breathed, his lips against Brendan's neck.

"Ye" Brendan replied, grasping Ray's back. Holding the cuffs in one of his hands, Brendan sneakily placed them around both of Ray's wrists which were somewhere above Brendan's head.

"Hey!" Ray protested.

Brendan laughed deeply, stroking against Ray's jaw. "Don't mess with me, baby"

Ray rolled his eyes and bent low towards Brendan's face, his breath ghosting across his mouth. "I think you'll regret that" he said seductively.

"Who's the one in cuffs here, hm?" Brendan replied smugly.

Ray straightened his back and grinned, pushing inside Brendan more rapidly but not allowing their bodies to touch so Brendan couldn't enjoy the friction between them.

"Shit" Brendan groaned, realising his situation.

"Ah, such a shame you won't be able to climax with me, my hands are tied, so to speak"

"Bastard" Brendan glared.

Ray shrugged. "It's your call"

Brendan begrudgingly released Ray of his cuffs, pushing his hands low to encircle Brendan and bring him to the same climax.

When they were both spent, they lay panting together with Ray lying on top of Brendan, the handcuffs thrown carelessly to the side.

"I said it would be worth it" Ray said breathlessly.

"I know to trust ye next time" Brendan agreed.

"Can't say the same for you"

"Sorry, too hard to resist" Brendan smirked, his teeth on display.

"I understand. Got you back for it though, didn't I?"

"Ye did indeed. Well done"

"I think it's fair to say I won this round, don't you?" Ray said triumphantly, holding out his hand for Brendan to shake. Brendan grasped it and pulled Ray down so their lips were inches apart.

"Until next time" he murmured before sealing it with a kiss.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Brendan spent another night in Ray's bed, Ray's arm thrown carelessly over Brendan's chest. It felt strange to have someone hold him for a change but he kind of liked it. He was realising more and more every day that his need to be in control all the time was worthless and didn't gain him any happiness or peace of mind.

Ray snuffled a little in his sleep, making Brendan smile. He really did care for him, more than he thought he could. But it wasn't quite the same feelings he had for Stephen. Ray was like his release; a man who could finally match Brendan and prove to him that being on top all the time was not the way to go. He had become a friend Brendan knew he would never forget, nor would he want to. He wasn't exactly a sociable man; in fact back home he had very few friends besides Pete and Cheryl. Foxy didn't count.

Stephen was different. At first it had all been about owning him; a conquest. He never for a moment believed that he would ever develop feelings for him. But Stephen was always on his mind, one way or another. He was like an obsession, like air for Brendan.

The only times Brendan was truly able to stop thinking of Stephen was when he was with Ray. He guessed that it was the same for Ray with Donny. Even though he had seemingly recovered from Donny's letter, Brendan could still see the pain behind his eyes, the need for Brendan to be there, solid and reassuring, willing to take away all of his dark thoughts and desperation. It was more than comfort; it was the desire to feel a part of someone, even for a moment. Even if it wasn't the person expected.

Brendan closed his eyes, feeling that he needed a moment of silence. That was the one benefit of prison, the opportunity for pure thought and stillness. Ray shifted a little against him, making Brendan look down at him affectionately. He wished that he had met Ray years ago; perhaps things would have been a lot different for the both of them now.

Brendan wondered if he would ever be fully comfortable with his sexuality. He still couldn't bring himself to define himself, he wasn't sure he would ever get there. Ray had tried to force it out of him and he had been close. Brendan remembered Stephen trying to do the same not so long ago…

"_What am I? What's this then?" _

Brendan was jerked away from his thoughts by a pounding on the door. Ray's eyes flew open. He sat up suddenly taking Brendan along with him.

"What's going on?" He asked groggily.

"Not sure" Brendan said, standing up and dressing himself. A few moments later the door opened.

"Letter" the guard said bluntly, handing it to Brendan, who looked at it in puzzlement. The guard closed the cell door after him.

"Who's it from?" Ray asked from the bed, rubbing his eyes.

"It's for ye" Brendan said, mutely handing the letter to Ray. He felt a bit…strange.

"Me? I wasn't expecting anything…" Ray said ponderingly, tearing the letter open. He frowned a little.

"What is it?" Brendan asked, feeling a little unsteady.

"It's a visiting order" Ray said quietly. "Donny"

Brendan looked at him in some surprise. "Ye? Well that's great, right?"

"Yeah" Ray said, his back straightening. "He hasn't visited me since I've been here… four months" Ray mumbled, tucking the letter away.

"Must be important" Brendan said, starting to sweat.

"Hmm" Ray replied, not looking at him. "Do you think he's broken up with that fella of his?"

"Maybe" Brendan said absentmindedly, feeling himself sway a little. "When's he coming?" he added croakily.

"An hour. Not long to prepare…"

"Mmm"

Ray finally looked up at him. "Are you okay?" He asked suddenly, standing up.

Brendan felt his vision start to blur. "No" he said, feeling himself fall backwards. Ray caught him easily in his arms, bringing him down onto the floor.

"Oh shit! You're burning up" Ray said frantically, feeling Brendan's forehead.

"I'm fine" Brendan mumbled, trying to sit up. Ray pushed him back down again.

"Stay here. I'm getting help" Ray laid Brendan's head gently on the floor underneath one of his rolled up shirts. He pounded his fist on the cell door, shouting for one of the guards. It took a while for one to arrive. Brendan struggled to focus properly on his face but he thought he looked annoyed.

"What is it?" He asked bluntly.

"Brendan, he's not well. He needs the infirmary"

"Right" the guard said, nodding. "I'll go speak to my supervisor"

"There's no time! He's burning up" Ray protested angrily.

"Hang on" the guard said, closing the cell door. He returned a few moments later with a sick bucket and a wet flannel.

"Is this it? I know we're in prison but still!" Ray said furiously.

"Best I can do for now. Here's some water as well, keep him hydrated until I'm back"

"Alright" Ray said grudgingly. Brendan heard the door close again. "Come on, let's get you on the bed" Ray said softly, placing the items on their desk. He knelt beside Brendan, pulling him close from underneath his armpits. "Can you sit up?" He asked. Brendan nodded and did so carefully. He felt the room spinning. "How long you been feeling like this?"

"Since I got out of bed" Brendan said.

"Must be a bug. They're pretty easy to pick up in here, in such close quarters"

"I don't interact with anyone but ye" Brendan said as Ray half-carried him towards his bed.

"Showers" Ray grunted, successfully laying Brendan down on the bed. "Germs everywhere"

Brendan grunted in response. Ray moved to the desk to pick up the flannel, which he started dabbing against Brendan's forehead. Brendan tried to unsuccessfully bat his hand away.

"Let me do this" Ray said, slapping Brendan's interfering hands away. "You have to let someone take care of you sometime"

"No…" Brendan mumbled, barely conscious of what he was saying. "I do that, I…Daddy…ye"

"What?" Ray asked, smiling a little.

"Shut… up" Brendan grumbled, closing his eyes.

"Alright" Ray said, reaching over to the desk again. "Water?"

Brendan nodded, raising his head slightly. He wouldn't allow Ray to put the drink to his lips. He took a few sips, feeling more hydrated but distinctly more nauseous. "Uh oh" he said, holding his stomach.

Ray automatically grabbed the bucket and held it underneath Brendan's mouth before he filled it. Ray rubbed his back soothingly as he did so. Brendan didn't think anyone had ever looked after him when he'd been sick. Not even Eileen, she was always too busy with the boys.

Ray took the bucket away when Brendan was finished and wiped the flannel over Brendan's lips. Brendan let him. He laid back down again, his stomach aching in new ways.

Ray looked at the cell door in annoyance. "Where the hell are they?"

"Ye have to go" Brendan said, giving him a weak push with his hand.

"What are you on about?" Ray asked agitatedly.

"Donny. He's coming, ye have to see him. He's ye boy"

"So are you" Ray said quietly. "In a way"

Brendan laughed feebly. "It could be important"

"It can wait"

"No"

"Brendan I'm not arguing with you. You need me more right now, end of discussion"

Brendan sighed and closed his eyes, feeling his conscious state drift swiftly away from him.

XXX

He awoke later, not fully aware of where he was. Ray was gone. He was in a hospital bed. Someone was stroking his hair gently. Brendan couldn't make out who it was.

He tried to speak but it came out as an indistinct mumble. The person in the room with him stilled his fingers.

"Brendan?" Male voice. Young, soft. Unmistakable.

"Stephen" Brendan breathed, reaching out with his hand. Stephen took it eagerly.

"Thank God you're okay" Stephen said, bending low to look at Brendan.

"What happened?" Brendan asked groggily.

"You passed out in your cell, apparently. Your cellmate and one of the other guards had to carry you out to the ambulance" Stephen said shakily.

"Ray?" Brendan asked tentatively.

"Yeah, must have been him. Good man" Stephen said this with absolute conviction.

Brendan tried to nod with some effort. He attempted to move his other hand to hold Stephen properly but realised it was cuffed to the bed. He groaned, not appreciating the irony of the situation.

"Hey, it's okay" Stephen said gently, placing both of his hands around Brendan's.

"It isn't" Brendan said despairingly.

Stephen looked frantic. "What's wrong? Do you need a doctor?"

"No…no" Brendan said, feeling inexplicably lost and out of place.

"What is it then?"

"Ye shouldn't be here… I've let ye down"

"Course you haven't. Its fine, I don't mind about you and Ray-"

"It isn't that!" Brendan said, feeling the effort of raising his voice.

"Then what?"

"Ye know what"

"Bren, this isn't the time or the place. You're seriously unwell; don't go stressing yourself out needlessly"

"What's wrong with me then?" Brendan asked, closing his eyes.

"They aren't sure yet, they're doing some tests. They reckon it's nothing too serious though; probably just the effects of the environment you're in combined with a poor immune system"

"Nothing wrong with my-"

"I know" Stephen interrupted. "But you're stuck in that place all day long, hardly any proper exercise, poor food… you were bound to get ill eventually"

"I don't get ill" Brendan said stubbornly.

Stephen laughed a little. "Everyone gets ill, Bren. It was just your turn"

Brendan turned his head to the side, looking through squinted eyes at Stephen. "Ye look well"

Stephen smiled. "Thank you. Wish I could say the same for you…"

Brendan smiled wanly, closing his eyes again. "Ye been okay? Had a nice…trip?"

"Yeah" Stephen said uncertainly. "Nothing too exciting…"

"When did ye get back?"

"Today"

"That was lucky"

"Hmm…" Stephen said cagily. "Anyway, at least you get to spend the night here, have some proper food"

Brendan opened his eyes again. "Will they tell Ray I'm okay?"

"I should think so. I'll make sure" Stephen promised, squeezing Brendan's hand. "You care for him, don't you?" He asked quietly.

"Ye, he's a good friend"

"Is that all?"

Brendan was silent for a moment. "He has his boy, I have mine"

Stephen looked at him in surprise. "I never thought I'd hear you say something like that"

"Times are changing" Brendan said, feeling exhausted.

"Yeah…" Stephen agreed thoughtfully.

They were quiet for a while.

"I think I need to sleep again" Brendan mumbled reluctantly. Stephen simply looked at him.

"I'm not going anywhere, not until they make me. Even then…"

Brendan smiled a little. "Thank ye"

Stephen stood up and bent over Brendan, kissing his forehead softly. It was the last thing Brendan felt before he fell asleep once more.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

Brendan returned to prison a few days later. His tests had come back fine; it was what Stephen had said. Brendan was eager to see Ray again; it had felt strange him not being there in the night. Stephen had stayed every day until he was told to leave. He didn't go easily.

Having a few days away had given Brendan some much needed perspective. And an unexpected visitor, that was key. Someone besides Stephen.

The guard opened Brendan's cell door and Brendan was immediately confronted with Ray rushing towards him to embrace him. He held him tightly; making Brendan feel only slightly uncomfortable. He held him back as best he could.

"I'm okay" He whispered.

"I know, I know. But I was worried" Ray said, pulling away to look at Brendan, still holding his arms.

"It was nothing serious" Brendan assured him.

"You passed out!" Ray exclaimed, looking at Brendan carefully. "Did you get to see Stephen?"

"Ye" Brendan said thoughtfully, distracted for a moment. "He wasn't the only person I saw"

"Yeah?" Ray asked curiously, stepping a little away from Brendan to look at his full frame.

"Have ye seen Donny yet?" Brendan asked abruptly.

Ray looked confused for a moment. "No…we have to reschedule for tomorrow. Why?"

Brendan didn't respond. He took two strides forwards, grabbed Ray's face in between his hands and kissed him full on the mouth. Ray was stunned for a moment but then started to respond, opening his mouth to accommodate Brendan's tongue. Brendan pushed him backwards towards the edge of the desk, his hands travelling down Ray's body, stopping somewhere around his waist.

Ray pushed against him, making the both of them move together towards the bed. Brendan straddled Ray's hips, not pulling away from their lips moving together. Brendan gripped Ray's jaw tightly as he kissed him. Ray didn't yield against him; he kissed him back just as hungrily. Brendan fumbled with his clothes, stripping himself bare in next to no time at all. Ray followed suit, kissing along Brendan's neck as he did so, his hand tangled in the blackness of Brendan's hair.

They moved together languorously. Brendan was taking his time, savouring every moment. Ray gripped his forearms tightly, every now and again moving his hands gently up and down, causing Brendan's arm hair to bristle. Brendan kissed every inch of Ray he could find, his tongue moving along Ray's chest and stomach.

Ray sat up to face Brendan fully. They held each other as they rocked together; feeling swept away as though out to sea and holding onto each other for dear life. So intense was their lovemaking that Brendan eventually succumbed to the overwhelming passion within him and climaxed. He moved his mouth to Ray and finished him as well, enjoying the feeling of Ray rubbing against his scalp, threading his hair between his fingers.

They both lay back on the bed, panting and sweaty, neither of them able to speak a word.

Eventually Ray chose to break the silence. He sat up slowly, looking at Brendan in wonder.

"What was that all about?" He was touching his lips, reddened from the kissing.

"I…uh" Brendan stumbled a little over his words. He ran his hands over his face. "I might be leaving, Ray"

Ray looked at Brendan uncomprehendingly for a moment. After a while, he smiled a little sadly. "What happened?"

"When I was in hospital, my lawyer came to see me. There's been a few…developments. I don't know all the details yet but he's fairly confident they can get me out of here, no charge"

Ray allowed himself a moment to digest this. "That's…well I always said…it's brilliant, Brendan. I'm so pleased for you"

Brendan looked at Ray unsmiling. "I don't know if I'm ready to leave yet"

"Why not?" Ray asked, frowning.

"Because ye have helped me so much, and I'm still not…I'm not done yet, we aren't done yet"

"Brendan, it's okay"

"No. It isn't. If I get out of here I'll just go back home, be the same man…make all the same mistakes. I can't do it, I just can't" Brendan burrowed his head in his hands in frustration. He felt the bed move as Ray shuffled forward, placing an arm around Brendan's shoulders.

"You're a lot stronger than you think, Brendan. You don't need me…you're changing so much on your own, you just don't realise it"

"That isn't true"

"Yes it is! You just came in here and kissed me because you wanted to. And it felt right didn't it? Natural"

Brendan raised his head to look at Ray, his eyes a little red. "It…I didn't even think about it, I guess it felt…normal"

Ray smiled, grasping Brendan tightly. "That's because it is!"

"It shouldn't feel that way"

"Yes it should"

"Does it feel that way for ye?"

"It does now. It's a long journey, Brendan. And you're on it, and I'm proud of you"

Brendan looked at Ray, shaking his head, grinning nervously. "No ones ever proud of me"

"That's because you haven't done anything to make them be. But you will, I feel it"

Brendan rubbed at his eyes, feeling embarrassed. "Men don't cry" he mumbled.

"Oh they do" Ray said, laughing. "It takes a real man to know how to cry. And look, I am as well"

Brendan looked up at Ray noticing the moistness in his eyes. "Why are ye crying?"

"Because I'm going to miss you, you daft idiot" Ray gave him a gentle shove which Brendan returned. "When will you know for sure?" Ray asked more soberly.

"Couple of days; they still have a lot to figure out…" Brendan was pensive for a moment. "I deserve to be here though, even if I didn't kill those girls"

Ray shook his head. "I don't believe that"

"Ye don't know…some of the things I've done…"

"I bet you had your reasons though. Just like me, stealing all that money"

"Why did ye?" Brendan asked, not really expecting an answer.

Ray sighed and looked into the distance. "I stole it for Donny. He got into some trouble, owed a lot of money to some very frightening people…"

"Why?" Brendan asked curiously.

"We struggled for years to make ends meet. I was working two jobs; Donny was working every hour under the sun. We could barely make rent…neither of us have any family really, or friends. It was tough going. Donny met some people, borrowed money from them. They wanted interest…you know the type"

Brendan nodded, feeling more than a little ashamed of himself.

"Anyway, when I found out what he'd done I was furious. Went to see these guys myself, they wouldn't budge. Next day they attacked Donny…said it was a message for my interfering" Ray looked darkly into a corner of the room.

"I'm sorry" Brendan mumbled.

"It's okay. Well, I guess it isn't really. Donny suggested that we just leave, take whatever money we had and go. But I knew that was impossible, where could we possibly go? It was hard enough with my record going abroad…I had to think of another solution"

"Where did ye steal the money from?"

Ray smirked a little. "From them. I thought it was genius; steal from them to give them back their own money. Probably a dumb idea really…"

Brendan laughed openly now. "I'm familiar with the idea"

"Yeah?" Ray smiled a little. "I got caught anyway. They had a business, legitimate on the outside, shady within. I got sent down for it. Donny was devastated, he was scared. He said he didn't want to be left on his own again, without me. We had a huge row about it before my court case…and I got sent down for a year, I pleaded my case and got the men in deep shit. It was almost worth it for that. They were more lenient because I was willing to tell them the whole story. I guess a lot of people wouldn't respect me for that…"

"I do"

"I appreciate that" Ray said, looking at Brendan.

"How could Donny do that to ye though? After all ye did for him?" Brendan felt as though he had some idea of how.

Ray shook his head. "I don't blame him for it. I agreed it was best for us to separate while I'm in here. I didn't expect him to find someone else…"

"It might not be what ye think"

"I'm counting on that"

"I'm sorry I made ye miss him"

"That wasn't your fault" Ray said dismissively.

"I know but still"

"You load too much on yourself sometimes, Brendan. You need to relax more"

"Impossible" Brendan smirked.

"Lay on your front a minute" Ray suggested. Brendan did so. Ray started to rub his hands along Brendan's back and shoulders, massaging.

"Ye a professional?"

Ray laughed. "Nah, just a skill of mine. Listen, when I get out, can I come see you?"

"Already one step ahead of ye"

"Yeah?"

"Ye, I'll save that for another day though. I'm fucking exhausted"

"You've had a tough few days"

"Ye can say that again" Brendan turned onto his front, holding his arms out to Ray, who happily slotted in between them.

"Why did you decide to shag me then?" Ray asked amusedly.

"Call it a goodbye"

"I don't like goodbyes"

"Okay, call it a thank ye then?"

"I like how you say thank you" Ray chuckled.

"Quiet" Brendan warned affectionately.

"You wish!" Ray closed his eyes; he pulled Brendan so he was against his chest, his arms holding him in an iron grip. "Tonight you aren't going anywhere, alright?"

"Alright" Brendan agreed, feeling his eyes drooping. "Just tonight I'll let this happen…tomorrow I'm back on top"

"Sure" Ray smiled. "You'll be lucky"

"I already am" Brendan replied before falling sound asleep.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

A/N: Just want to say thank you so much for all of the lovely reviews on here, on DS, on the Hollyoaks site. They are all very much appreciated. This chapter is a little different because I thought I'd try writing from Ray's point of view for a change. It will go back to Brendan eventually though so don't worry :)

Chapter Fourteen

Ray woke up earlier than Brendan the next day. He slowly got out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping man beside him. He glanced at him and smiled, thinking of how peaceful he looked in sleep. He didn't always of course but who wouldn't be content after the night they had just had?

Ray paced around the cell for a while, feeling somewhat tense and irritable. He was seeing Donny today. It had been a long time since they had last clapped eyes on each other. Ray wasn't entirely sure he was prepared for such an encounter. Of all Ray's lovers, Donny was the only one who had ever stuck around. Ray knew he could be a nightmare at the best of times; he was over-confident, sarcastic, annoyingly analytical. But Donny loved him regardless, loved him despite all of the trouble Ray got himself into.

And yet he had abandoned him, right when he had needed him the most. Ray had told Brendan that he understood why and he did, sort of. It didn't stop him feeling angered and hurt by it all of course. The one you love was supposed to stick by you, no matter what.

Ray sighed and rubbed at his face, feeling the stubble graze his fingers. He should shave, really. He didn't even know what time it was. There hadn't been a wake up call yet. Brendan turned a little in his sleep, moving the cover off of himself. It was quite a sight. Ray found himself smiling in approval. He moved towards the bed, lightly trailing his fingertips down Brendan's chest gradually getting lower. Brendan grunted a little, swatting at his hand in annoyance. He still wasn't quite awake yet.

Ray moved a little closer, sitting on his heels by the edge of the bed. He moved his mouth to kiss along Brendan's torso, his tongue swirling around his belly button. He enjoyed the feeling of Brendan's hair against his face. He liked a man with a bit of hair on him. Brendan grunted once again, this time smirking. He was finally awake. He opened his pale blue eyes slowly, looking down at Ray in amusement.

"That's some wake up call" he murmured.

"It gets better" Ray promised, kissing along Brendan's pelvis. Brendan stiffened a little, his hand resting on the bed moving to stroke the top of Ray's head. Ray loved the feeling of his fingers trailing through his hair; he had a strong, manly grip which Ray appreciated.

Ray moved his lips to kiss along Brendan's cock, licking the base of it. Brendan's fingers tightened in his hair. Ray smiled as he placed all of Brendan in his mouth, moving his mouth slowly as though to tease and prolong the sensation. As he brought Brendan deeper and deeper inside his throat, Brendan started to become more worked up. His hips bucked slightly off the bed, his head thrown back, his eyes squeezed shut. Considering it was morning he had already had a substantial arousal so it didn't take Ray long to push him over the edge and feel the remnants of his climax lingering in his mouth.

He raised himself up so his arms were resting on the bed. Brendan looked at him lazily, his eyes half-closed.

"Still feeling sleepy are we?" Ray asked, smirking. "I would have thought that would wake you up"

"Or make me even more relaxed" Brendan mumbled, closing his eyes. "Ye gonna come back to bed?"

"Sure" Ray climbed underneath the covers; Brendan shuffled slightly to the side to accommodate him. They both moved their arms as though to hold the other but settled for simply lying next to each other in the end. They both lay on their backs, looking towards the ceiling. It was eerily silent for a while.

"Ye nervous about today?" Brendan finally asked.

Ray considered this. "Obviously"

Brendan turned to face him, his eyebrows raised. "Don't get moody with me, mate"

"I'm not" Ray said, refusing to look Brendan in the eye.

Brendan sighed softly; placing his hand over one of Ray's which was resting on his stomach.

"It's tough, I get it. Wasn't easy seeing Stephen again when I was in here. Can't imagine it's any different for ye"

"It isn't" Ray replied, grateful for Brendan's warm and reassuring body beside him.

"What will ye say to him?" Brendan asked quietly, as though anticipating that Ray's head needed the quietness.

"I have some questions" Ray commented dryly.

"I hope ye get yer answers"

"So do I"

"Hate seeing ye like this" Brendan said, looking at Ray's face intently.

Ray turned his head to face him. "Sorry"

"It's not yer fault"

"Am I really that obvious?"

"Yer aren't as chatty as ye normally are, that's for sure"

"I talk too much" Ray shook his head, smiling.

"Not a bad thing really, ye would make a good barman. What kinda work ye done before?"

"Oh all sorts" Ray said, thinking carefully. "Some dodgy, some not. Worked in a few clubs as a bouncer, I know how to talk people down" He winked knowingly at Brendan, who rolled his eyes.

"Tell me about it" he mumbled.

"Why do you ask anyway?"

"Just like to know more about ye. Where's yer family?"

Ray closed his mouth tightly. He breathed through his nose in short puffs.

"Right, ye don't wanna answer. That's okay"

"They're dead" Ray said softly, still feeling the familiar burn behind his eyes at the mention of them.

"I'm so sorry" Brendan said awkwardly, patting Ray on the shoulder roughly.

"It was a long time ago" Ray replied, looking towards the ceiling again.

"How did it happen?"

"Car accident. I was fourteen. Had two younger brothers to look after"

"That's rough"

"Yep"

They were silent once more.

"What about you?" Ray asked. "You got family besides Cheryl?"

"Sure" Brendan nodded. "Got me boys"

"Your parents?"

Brendan looked down. "Don't talk to my Da much anymore. We didn't exactly see eye to eye growing up"

Ray nodded, expecting this answer. It explained a lot. "And your Ma?"

"Great woman. Couldn't cope with the likes of me though. Sent me off to live with Da when I was a teenager"

"I bet that was hard"

"Ye, brand new family to deal with, our Chez" Brendan smiled affectionately in a way Ray noticed he only did for Cheryl.

"You get one well with your sis?"

"Oh ye, she's my best friend" Brendan said quietly.

"Were you always honest with her?"

Brendan glanced at Ray, looking uncomfortable. "Nah, she had to find out the hard way"

"What will you do when you leave here?" Ray asked curiously.

"Go back to work. Get me life back on track"

"And Stephen?"

Brendan looked troubled for a moment. "That lad deserves better than me"

"I don't think he would see it that way"

"No…doesn't change anything though"

Ray nodded. "You love him though, don't you?"

"Why do ye ask such things?" Brendan sighed, clearly agitated.

"Because you need to face up to it. I bet you've never even said it"

"Well, I haven't"

"Say it now"

Brendan gave Ray a hard look. "Men don't love each other"

"Oh don't they? Do I not love Donny then? Does he not love me?"

"Alright then. _I _don't love men"

"Do you love me?"

"Ray-"

"Not like that, don't panic. You love me as a man, as a friend, right?"

"That's not the same…"

"Isn't it? Why's that then?"

Brendan looked confused. "I don't know what yer getting at…"

Ray sighed, exasperated. "You have mates; male mates like me who I assume you care for…"

Brendan smirked a little. "Not many, maybe one other"

"Okay, that's fine. Do you love Stephen like you love them?"

Brendan frowned. "I…I honestly couldn't say"

"How do you love your friends?"

"Well, ye would do anything for them"

"Okay, and I'm guessing that applies to Stephen as well?"

"Ye…"

"Would you sleep with your friends?"

Brendan raised an eyebrow. "Okay, stupid question" Ray tried again. "Would you see a future with your friends? Like have them to yourself all the time, maybe even live together, sleep in the same bed. Read the paper in the morning, sleep and play under the duvet on a Sunday. Kiss them like there's no tomorrow. Hold them like they are the most precious person in the entire world. Treasure them like you would no one else"

Brendan frowned more deeply. "I don't like what ye are getting at…"

"Can you honestly say you haven't thought about Stephen and those things?"

"They're a fantasy" Brendan growled.

"They don't have to be. Me and Donny had that, and more. It is possible for two men to love each other; I'm living proof of it"

Brendan looked disturbed. "I can't…_love _him. It isn't right"

"Does it feel right though?" Ray asked softly. "When you're with him, or any man for that matter. Does it feel wrong?"

"I guess not…"

Ray nodded. "You'll get there, Brendan". He felt disappointed; he really believed that this time he would get through to him. He didn't understand why it felt so important to do so but he longed for it.

Ray felt a movement by his side. He turned and looked at Brendan and saw him shaking slightly, clearly struggling with something. Ray was alarmed for a moment and almost reached out to him but then he realised Brendan was trying to say something. He kept opening and closing his mouth with obvious difficultly. Ray bent closer so he could hear him clearly. His words came out in a shaky breath, full of meaning.

"I…love him"

Ray felt an explosion of joy in his chest. He had finally gotten through to him. He felt elated and proud. This was a clear step in the right direction for Brendan, a step to accepting who he was and who he loved. It was a long journey, Ray knew, but he was glad that he was here to witness Brendan's.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Brendan didn't say another word all morning. Ray let him be, aware that he needed time to get his head around things. Besides, he had enough on his mind already to deal with. The hour was approaching for his meeting with Donny. He was feeling strangely exhilarated by the prospect of it; he could barely sit still.

He and Brendan went outside for a while, Brendan still not saying anything, Ray practically bouncing with anticipation. They sat on the ground for a while; the sun was out in full, allowing Ray to take his shirt off to enjoy the heat on his bare skin. After a while Brendan followed suit, taking out some sunglasses from his pocket and putting them over his eyes. It was yet another barrier from how he was really feeling. Ray knew you could tell a lot about a person from their eyes; whether they were in pain, in love, angry, sad. Brendan's face was immovable, unrelenting. Blank.

Ray sighed and stretched his legs out, rolling up his prison trousers to combat the heat spreading up his legs. He glanced over at Brendan who was staring resolutely straight ahead. He wasn't giving anything away except for a small twitch in his cheek muscle. Ray sighed and lightly touched his arm. Brendan's head turned slowly to the side, looking sober in his shades and his downcast mouth.

"Are you going to say anything?" Ray asked lightly.

Brendan slowly turned his face forwards again not uttering a word. Ray rolled his eyes and looked to the sky, closing his eyes and enjoying the sun on his face. It always made him feel that little bit closer to freedom feeling the air on his face, ruffling his curly hair gently so it tickled against his skin.

After a while, Ray decided to go back inside and prepare himself for Donny's visit. He patted Brendan once on the shoulder and he grunted in acknowledgement.

Ray picked up his comb back in his cell and pulled it through his tangled curls, wincing whenever one caught on the end of the comb. He had shaved already and smoothed his hands over his chin, feeling the stubble there that would never shift. It wasn't long until the guard came to his cell to escort him to the visitor's room.

Taking a deep breath and stilling his shaking hands, Ray walked into the room, his eyes immediately landing on Donny. He hadn't changed. He was a very attractive man; fair-haired, startling green eyes that were easily lost in, a tall, slim physique. His face was full of character; he had the most adorable pointed nose that Ray always teased him about. He was six years younger than Ray at twenty-eight. He had met him when Donny was only twenty years old; a young, scrawny lad who had grown into a truly exquisite man. Like Brendan, Ray tended to go for the smaller men; young, pretty, eager to please. He thought that he had found that when he met Donny but he had been wrong. Donny was strong, confident. He had his moments; he hated being alone, wouldn't sleep by himself at night. Any time Ray had been out late on business Donny would wait up for him on the sofa, watching some rubbish on TV. When Ray returned Donny would hold out his arms and Ray would slot into them and then Donny would wrap them up in a blanket, lay his head against Ray's shoulder and more often than not, fall asleep right there and then.

Ray walked slowly towards the table, his eyes fixated on Donny's. There was a small smile on his face but other than that he looked drawn. Ray felt a lump form in his throat as he carefully sat down.

"Ray" Donny said gruffly, looking him over. "How are you?"

"Better for seeing you" Ray said softly, trying to hold Donny's hand across the table. Donny slowly withdrew it and folded his hands in his lap.

"I'm sorry…I need to speak first" Donny said, taking a deep breath as though preparing himself for battle.

"If you've come here to tell me you don't love me anymore, I got it" Ray said, folding his arms across his chest.

"Will you just listen for once? Please?" Donny looked at Ray, his green eyes shining with tears. Ray opened his mouth once and then promptly closed it.

"Go on"

"I feel terrible about how we left things…"

"Why didn't you come visit me?" Ray blurted out, unable to control himself.

Donny looked down at the table. "I wanted to" he said quietly. "But whenever I see you…"

"What?" Ray asked, leaning forwards.

"If you're in here, I just want to go to you and I can't. You've been in here too many times, Ray. It's too much"

Ray bowed his head. "You know why though"

"I am truly grateful for what you did for me. I should have said this a long time ago but I'm so sorry for that argument we had…my head was a mess" Donny fiddled with his fingers, his hands now placed atop the table. Ray reached across and gripped them. Donny didn't shake him off this time.

"It's okay. I'm over it, it's done" Ray said quietly.

Donny looked down at their hands together and sighed a little. "You got my letter?"

Ray slid his hand away, his jaw clenching. "I did"

"Why are you looking like that?" Donny asked, his head cocked to the side.

Ray looked at him incredulously. "You said you're seeing another man! How do you expect me to look?"

Donny started to laugh openly, shaking his head to the side. "You idiot. I'm not seeing another man"

Ray was taken aback. "You…what?"

"I said I'm seeing a man…"

"Yeah…"

"And that I'd tell you about it when I next saw you"

"And how else am I supposed to take that?"

"Well considering I was talking about job opportunities in the line before that"

Ray looked blank.

"You didn't read that part did you?" Donny looked at him seriously for a moment, his eyes flicking towards Ray's knuckles which were still badly bruised.

Ray coughed awkwardly. "Well what did you expect me to think?"

Donny smiled a little. "I should have guessed really. You over-think things way too much"

"Some people appreciate it" Ray said defensively.

"Oh yeah? Who?" Donny asked in affectionate amusement.

"My mate Brendan"

Donny raised his eyebrows a little, still smiling. "Saving another one are we?"

"I don't know what you mean, Brendan is my first"

Donny snorted a little. "Okay, whatever you say"

Ray shuffled awkwardly. "Anyway, explain who this man is then"

"He's a friend of a friend, a teacher, like me. He's working over in Spain at the moment as Head teacher of a new school recently built. He's offered me a job as head of the History department" Donny took a deep breath. "It's temporary, I think. Six months"

Ray felt his mouth fall open. "Six…six months?"

"Yeah. I can stay on if I do a good job as well…"

"And will you?" Ray asked, swallowing hard.

Donny looked at him sadly. "No, of course not"

"And why not?"

"Because when all is said and done, I'm still yours. I wouldn't leave you"

Ray bowed his head, feeling a little ashamed. "I slept with Brendan"

Donny nodded as though this didn't surprise him. "We aren't together. You haven't done anything wrong"

"I feel like I have"

"I was seeing a guy before… one or two dates, it didn't feel right"

"Brendan's…ah, different"

"What's he like?"

Ray smiled a little. "He's dark, has a moustache, total head fuck. Gorgeous…"

Donny smiled a little. "Sounds great"

"He's in love with someone else as well" Ray said softly. "We're friends…I don't think either of us expects more than that"

"You still love me?" Donny asked quietly, his eyes wide and earnest.

"Yes. Always will" Ray said solemnly.

Donny nodded. "I have to take this job, Ray. The money's just too good to pass up…"

"I understand" Ray nodded, his eyes fixated on the table.

"When I'm back though…"

"I'll be out" Ray promised.

"Of course, good behaviour and all that…" Donny trailed off, biting his lip as though to say something else.

Ray read in his face what he wanted to say. He took Donny's hand again and simply looked at him.

"I'll be here, waiting"

Donny nodded, blinking the tears forming in his eyes. "I think our hours nearly up"

"When do you leave?" Ray asked, feeling distressed.

"Tomorrow. But I had to see you first…make things right"

"You know I love you?"

"Of course. I love you too" Donny smiled sadly, leaning across the table to kiss Ray softly on the forehead. Ray closed his eyes at the touch. "Say hi to Brendan for me, he sounds like a character"

"Oh, he is" Ray laughed, his eyes moist.

"Take care" Donny said softly before walking away, his eyes never leaving Ray's until he was out of the room.

Ray took a deep shuddering breath and walked mutely back to his cell.

XXX

Brendan was there. He looked up as Ray entered the room. He seemed more composed than before. He saw the look on Ray's face and stood up straight away; throwing the book he was reading to the side and pulling Ray close to him in a bear hug. Ray sniffled a little, his arms gripping Brendan back just as tightly as he was gripping him.

It wasn't the time for words, Ray pulled away a little and kissed Brendan softly on the lips, pushing him onto the bed. They both needed this; both felt the loss of the men who were always somehow out of their reach. It was good to have each other in this; feel strong arms wrapped around each other, feel sturdy legs gripping each other's backs. Toes curling, backs arching. Cries of pleasure and a little of pain, knowing that even lost in the perfection of love-making there was still an emptiness, a void that needed to be filled.

As Ray thrust inside Brendan, he felt that at least for a little while, he could find solace in this man and feel only him and his strong, masculine presence around him. Brendan was like his driving force, his will to carry on despite how bleak the circumstances might be. They were here for each other, and right now that was all that mattered. Let tomorrow come, and be what must.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Brendan walked slowly down the corridor, one guard in front, the other behind. He smirked behind him and the guard rolled his eyes, jabbing him in the back to keep moving. Brendan grinned, feeling distinctly cocky today. Maybe it had something to do with the great time he and Ray had just shared or perhaps it was the fact he was visiting his solicitor and finding out whether he would be released soon.

He was led into a small room where his solicitor sat with his hands folded on the table in front of him. Brendan sat opposite him, cocking his head to the side, waiting. His solicitor was an ordinary looking man; late forties, receding hairline, uptight demeanour. Brendan still couldn't resist placing the infallible Brady charm onto him.

"Nice of ye to visit me" he said pleasantly, flashing a big grin in his direction.

The solicitor gave him a long-suffering look and pulled some papers out of his briefcase.

"How they treating you in here? Any problems?"

"Oh, they are treating me _wonderfully. _Feels like I'm on holiday. The food especially is exquisite"

"Right" the solicitor said, deadpan.

"Benjamin. Can I call ye Benjamin?" Brendan asked lightly.

"No"

"Why not?"

"My name's George"

"Ah… my mistake, sorry about that Georgie-boy"

George shuffled through his papers, avoiding eye-contact. "As I said at the hospital, the police have found some new leads into your case and are currently reviewing it"

"And what are these new leads, George?"

George sighed and looked at Brendan seriously. "Another young girl has been found dead"

Brendan's expression fell. "Shit…what happened?"

"Strangulation again it seems. Happened near the park where you live"

"Near the park? But there are kids there" Brendan gritted his teeth, thinking of his own children and also strangely of Leah and Lucas.

"I know it's awful. But the police are fairly certain this murder is linked with the other two girls' deaths"

Brendan nodded solemnly. "And obviously it wasn't me, if I'm in here…"

"Exactly. There's still a lot to investigate. Post-mortem for a start-"

Brendan held up his hand, grimacing. "Just stick to the basics, George"

George nodded. "If the police decide that these murders are linked then there isn't enough evidence to convict you, or take you to trial"

"There wasn't to begin with" Brendan muttered dryly. "And how long until I get out?"

"Should be a week or so. We could apply for bail in the meantime…"

"No" Brendan shook his head. "It's okay, I'll wait"

"Are you sure? We probably have a good case for it…"

"No. When I leave here I want it to be the end of it" Brendan said resolutely, tucking to the side the other reason he was reluctant to leave…

"Okay, well that's fine. Is there anything else you wish to discuss?"

"The girl…who was she?"

George sighed. "She wasn't a local; she was on her way home from a club it looks like. They found her high heels further away from the body, she must have tried to get away and…well…"

Brendan gritted his teeth. "Thanks, George. That's all I needed to know"

George nodded as Brendan stood up and was led away once again by the guards.

When he returned to his cell Ray was sitting by the desk, writing something. He looked up at Brendan as he entered and frowned at the expression on his face.

"Everything okay?"

"Ye…" Brendan said, lying on Ray's bed and throwing his arms over his face.

"What did they say?" Ray asked. Brendan felt Ray's hand resting on his chest.

"New evidence, looks like I'll be getting out of here in a week"

"A week?" Ray's voice broke a little. Brendan removed his arms and looked at Ray pensively.

"Ye gonna miss me?"

"Like you wouldn't believe" Ray smiled, cupping Brendan's jaw.

"It's not as though we'll never see each other again" Brendan said softly.

"Oh really? Fuck knows what I'll do when I get out of here with Donny gone…" Ray glanced at the wall, his hands wringing together.

"Ye have no where to go?"

"I always find something. Gets lonely after a while though. Been with Donny for so long now and to suddenly do it all over again by myself…"

"Maybe ye don't have to" Brendan said, sitting up.

"What do you mean?"

"I've been thinking about this for a while now… I'd really like ye to come work for me at Chez Chez when ye get outta here"

"Brendan… you can't be serious"

"I am deadly serious"

"I can't come in and disrupt your life like that…"

"Ye wouldn't be. Ye would be doing me a favour. We're short on staff as it is"

"But doesn't Stephen work for you?" Ray looked at Brendan intently.

"He'll be okay, I'll explain"

"Can you really work with the both of us after what we've done?"

Brendan considered this for a moment. "Way I see it is yer one of the best friends I've ever had, and if I didn't love Stephen so damn much and ye didn't love Donny I'd be with ye in a heartbeat. It'd be nice to still have ye around, regardless"

Ray started to smile, shaking his head. "Alright, go for it. If you'll have me, I'll be there"

Brendan grinned wolfishly at him. "Ye won't regret it, I'm a great boss"

"Oh I'm sure" Ray rolled his eyes.

"Come here" Brendan murmured, raising his hand.

"No, you come here" Ray leaned across and kissed Brendan roughly on the lips, pushing him backwards onto the bed. Brendan wrapped his arms around Ray's waist, pulling at his shirt, nearly tearing it in his haste to get it off.

When they were undressed they kissed every inch of each other they could locate, Ray pinning Brendan's arms above his head as he kissed down his chest, licking inside his belly button teasingly before he reached his crotch area. Brendan groaned as Ray took him inside his mouth, lubricating him so that he could sit on top of him and push himself inside. Brendan loved this position in particular with Ray because it afforded the both of them some element of control. Ray was able to set the speed and yet it was Brendan's cock inside of him, pleasuring him.

They were just getting into the thick of things when there was a banging on the cell door. Ray yelped and jumped off of Brendan swiftly, both of them scrambling for their clothes before the door opened.

"Letter for Brady"

Brendan took the letter grudgingly, nodding to the guard who had brought it.

"Bad timing or what?" Ray laughed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Who's it from?"

"Visiting order…" Brendan said thoughtfully, more than a little surprised by the name that appeared on the letter.

Ray cocked his head to the side and opened his mouth as though about to question Brendan further but Brendan silenced him with a kiss, pulling his clothes off once again.

"Let's finish what we started, hm?"

XXX

Brendan walked into the visiting room, examining the area for his latest visitor. His eyes rested on the person in question, a sly grin on his face.

"This should be interesting…" he muttered before walking towards them, ready to find out what it was they wanted.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

"Douglas" Brendan said with feigned surprise, sitting opposite him.

Doug squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, his eyes flickering everywhere but at Brendan's face.

"And what do I owe this…pleasure?"

"I, um, needed to see you…" Doug began awkwardly.

"Oh?" Brendan asked lightly.

Doug's eyes were fixated on the table. "I came to…" he murmured almost incomprehensible.

"Douglas, can ye speak up?" Brendan asked, leaning back in his chair, arms folded.

Doug looked him in the eye, his jaw tightening. "I needed to tell you that I know now for sure you didn't kill Bex"

Brendan raised his eyebrows, letting out a long puff of air. "Took ye long enough"

"I should never have accused you…"

"No"

"I was in a bad way, and you can't really blame me for thinking it…"

"I don't"

Doug smiled sheepishly. "You seem different"

"I am different, Douglas. And ye shouldn't be here"

Doug's face scrunched up in confusion. "Why not?"

"Because ye don't owe me anything. I've been nothing but terrible to ye. Ye have nothing to apologise for"

"You weren't all bad…" Doug mumbled.

"I was" Brendan said distinctly, leaning forwards to stare into Doug's face. Doug could hardly blink, transfixed as he was by Brendan's severe gaze upon him. "Ye are worth more than ye know, Douglas. There's no bad blood here"

Doug finally blinked, leaning back a little from Brendan's face as though taken out of his spell. "I was worried…"

"Don't be"

"I thought you'd be angry, when you got out…"

"Is that why ye really came?"

"No… it was only part of it"

"Is there anything else?" Brendan asked in a bored tone.

"Why didn't you tell me you were gay?" Doug asked suddenly. Brendan coughed a little to hide his discomfort.

"Does it matter?"

"I might have understood you better"

"There are no excuses"

Doug shook his head. "But I was talking to Ste and-"

Brendan held up his hand to silence him. "Please" he simply said.

Doug looked at him in understanding. "I'm sorry. I guess I just wanted to make things right, and after hearing all the facts and talking things over with- well, you know"

"I appreciate it, Douglas" Brendan closed his eyes.

There was silence for a while. When Brendan reopened his eyes Doug was looking at him furtively, his teeth worrying his bottom lip.

"Spit it out, Douglas"

"When we last saw each other, you told me that when you lose someone you love, you have to deal with it"

Brendan nodded, wondering where this was going.

"I just want to know how" Doug said quietly.

Brendan sighed. "I'm the wrong person to ask"

"That isn't what you said before; you said you knew more about love than I knew"

"I thought I did" Brendan muttered darkly. Doug's eyes widened expectantly. Brendan looked at him and smiled a little. "I've lost a lot of people, Douglas. It never gets any easier but ye just have to pick yerself up and carry on somehow"

"But I don't know _how. _I wake up every morning, expecting to see her face. I close my eyes and she's there. I'd only just gotten her back…" Doug's voice choked a little on his words.

Brendan leaned across the table to pat Doug awkwardly on the arm. "Do ye not have anyone to talk about this with? Those mates of yers?"

Doug rolled his eyes. "They're good for a laugh but they don't really get it". Doug sighed a little. "I don't know why I came here"

"Neither do I"

"I guess I figured you of all people would understand"

"And why's that?" Brendan asked mildly.

Doug looked uncomfortable. "You didn't want me to say his name…"

Brendan rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "It's okay, go on"

"Well, when Ste was with Noah there were times when we got to talking…"

"He stayed over?" Brendan momentarily lost his train of thought. He shook his head to clear it. "Carry on"

"I was still unsure about Bex, and I asked Ste what kind of man you really were, considering you were his boss"

"And what did he say?" Brendan asked, leaning forwards impulsively.

Doug grinned a little. "He said it was like you had a split personality. Sometimes you were cruel, and manipulative, and most of all frightening"

Brendan nodded, unsurprised.

"But at others times you were the most gentle, most compassionate man he had ever met. He said you possessed something not many other people did and it drew people to you, perhaps unwittingly. Some kind of magnetism" Doug smiled wistfully. "I kinda figured after that that you two were involved somehow. He got pretty embarrassed about it"

"And about Bex?"

"He said no matter what kind of man you were at times; you would never harm a woman. And besides that you had no real reason to kill Bex, or India for that matter"

"And ye believed him?"

"He seemed pretty damn certain. I had my doubts before. I guess I just needed someone to spell it out to me"

"Did ye tell anyone ye were coming here?"

Doug shook his head. "Who would I tell?"

"Fair point"

"I don't think you're completely a bad guy, Brendan"

Brendan smirked. "Not sure ye are the one to judge that, Dougie"

"I dunno" Doug said, smiling a little, his eyes sparkling. "I feel like I know you a little better already"

Brendan shook his head, laughing. "Can I ask ye something?" Brendan asked, sobering a little.

"Of course"

"Ye still see Stephen?"

"Yeah…he's become a mate really"

Brendan nodded, pleased at this. "Keep an eye on him, yeah? Especially if it turns out I don't get out of here"

"I think you will though"

"Douglas"

"I promise" Doug smiled weakly at Brendan. "I better go…thanks for the chat, it helped"

"Glad to be of service" Brendan said ironically, bowing his head a fraction.

Doug rose from his chair. "Take care, Brendan"

"I'll be seeing yer" Brendan responded with a half-hearted point. Doug smiled slightly and departed.

XXX

Brendan returned to his cell. Ray was stretched out on the bed reading a book; he peered over it as Brendan entered and lay down beside him. Ray shuffled over a little to make room.

"Who was it then?" Ray asked curiously.

"An old, ah, associate of mine. Douglas"

Ray glanced at Brendan, his eyes narrowed. "He an old lover of yours, Brendan?"

Brendan barked out a laugh. "Me and Douglas?"

"Well what's he like?"

"Young, American..."

"Cute?"

Brendan grinned, giving Ray a shove. "Be quiet"

Ray's eyes twinkled. "Ah the love that never was…"

"Watch it" Brendan warned good-naturally, the two men now facing each other on the bed.

Ray moved his hand to smooth back Brendan's hair. "Did you have a nice chat though?"

"Ye, strangely enough"

"Good. Always nice to get visitors. Even if they do interrupt us mid-shag"

Brendan laughed. "Let's not get interrupted this time then, hm?"

"Sounds like a plan" Ray murmured, leaning forwards to claim Brendan's lips.

XXX

Some time later, the two men lay tangled together amongst the sheets, unclothed and sweating slightly from exertion. Brendan placed his hand on Ray's arm, astounded by the hardness of muscle he found there.

"Ye need to teach me how to get arms like this" Brendan murmured.

"Your arms are alright"

"Not as big as yers"

"All the better to lift you with, my dear" Ray said teasingly, smiling.

Brendan closed his eyes half-way, feeling relaxed. "Do you think people can change, Ray?" He asked ponderingly.

"Sure. Not everyone has it in them to but yeah, I believe with the right amount of self-reflection and preservation, people can change"

Brendan nodded.

"But are you asking if you can change?"

Brendan opened his eyes fully. "I guess"

Ray stroked along Brendan's cheek. "You already have, so much"

"Ye didn't know me before"

"I don't need to. I can imagine what you were like, I was the same once"

"Can't imagine it" Brendan shook his head.

"What?"

"Ye being like me. Ye are just so…comfortable, with who ye are"

"And you aren't?"

"Not completely"

"You've admitted twice now that you love Stephen, I'd say that's pretty remarkable progress to being comfortable with yourself"

"Is it enough though?"

"Well, that's up to you, isn't it?"

Brendan frowned, thinking hard. "We did talk" he finally said, very quietly.

"Oh yeah?"

"I don't want to go into it right now" Brendan decided, sitting up.

"That's fine, whenever you're ready" Ray replied, leaning his head on his hand.

"Thanks, Ray"

"What for?"

Brendan turned to face him, his smile small and compensating. "Everything"


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Brendan spent the night with Ray in his bed once again. It was a strange situation, practically living with a man you were sleeping with. Brendan wasn't quite used to the domesticity of it all. He almost felt as though Ray were teaching him something, perhaps unconsciously. As though he wanted Brendan to see what being in a real relationship would be like.

As much as Brendan hated to analyse it too deeply, what him and Ray were doing was as close to a relationship as he had ever gotten. They lived together, shared a bed at times, woke up together, ate together, and showered together. They spent their evenings gracing each others company whether it was quiet simplicity like reading a book or charged with emotion in their countless talks about Brendan's state of mind. More often than not they spent their time writhing together, enjoying the sensations of each others bodies. Again it was a new situation for Brendan. He had always been top, always had the younger, more vulnerable lover. But Ray wasn't like that at all; he matched Brendan thrust for thrust, and sometimes even overpowered him with the strength of his arms or the sturdiness of his thighs. And in a strange way Brendan enjoyed it. It was refreshing to let someone else be in charge. Brendan needed to feel powerless, now and again. It was what had been keeping him from facing his demons, facing up to what he really was.

It was disconcerting to think that in under a week he and Ray would be parted. One of the reasons Brendan had asked Ray to work for him was because of the crippling doubt that he wouldn't be able to cope without his positive influence. Ray had done in a few short weeks what most of the people in Brendan's life had been trying to do for years. He was slowly starting to accept who he was, and the undeniable truth that it was okay. Ray made it okay.

Brendan placed his hand gently on Ray's shoulder who in a rare moment of submission had allowed Brendan to spoon him from behind as they slept. He moved his hand to gently ruffle Ray's encompassing head of hair. It was strangely soft to touch even though Ray left it untended most of the time. Brendan recalled how he looked in the shower, his curls hanging by the side of his face, dripping incessantly; his hair looking oddly lighter from the moistness of the water.

He didn't quite understand his feelings for Ray. He cared for him, as you would a friend. But at the same time he felt a strong, physical attraction to him, a feeling he had recognised the moment he had clapped eyes on him, even if he wouldn't admit it to himself. It had been hard enough admitting his feelings for Stephen and now he had another man in his life that left him confused and tormented by how he felt.

Brendan looked at Ray's sleeping form a little more closely. He certainly wasn't Brendan's ordinary type. But he was gorgeous, and kind, in his own way. And he understood Brendan in a way most people didn't. But at the same time Brendan couldn't get the image of Stephen out of his head. He was with Ray, and he was all he thought of, for a time. But when he was alone, lost in thought, all he could recall was that dirty-blonde hair, those impossibly long eyelashes and that cheeky little smile of Stephen's. The comparison between the two of them was ludicrous. And yet it thrilled Brendan at the same time. It was like he had finally broken a cycle. It was hard enough facing up to the fact that he found men attractive and yet here he was sleeping with the manliest of men, and it didn't feel wrong. It felt oddly right.

Ray opened his eyes slowly, squinting slightly at Brendan who was still staring at him. His lips formed an easy smile as he turned around onto his other side to address Brendan.

"Were you watching me sleep, Brady?"

Brendan coughed, looking away. "Don't be soft"

"Not possible" Ray yawned, stretching. "Not for you" he winked. Brendan rolled his eyes at the innuendo. "So what's the plan for today?"

Brendan frowned. "Plan? How is there enough to do to have a plan?"

Ray sat up. "Well, considering you might be leaving in a few days I thought it would be nice to do something memorable"

"Any suggestions?" Brendan asked dryly.

Ray considered this for a moment. He smirked suddenly. "Well, I know one thing we can do that would certainly be memorable…"

"Oh ye?"

Ray moved on top of Brendan, his arms placed either side of Brendan's head. He leaned down to kiss him several times on the mouth, never lingering. Brendan growled and tried to grab his neck but Ray pushed his hand down and gripped his wrist.

"Bastard" Brendan murmured but he was already becoming aroused.

Ray moved his hand slowly down Brendan's body, slipping it into the waistband of Brendan's pyjamas. He found Brendan's erect cock and began to pump him slowly, building up the momentum. Brendan rolled his eyes back, his lips slightly parted. He found himself panting short puffs of breath as Ray stroked him, dragging his pyjama trousers off of him to gain better access.

Ray moved down the remainder of Brendan's body to put him in his mouth, darting his tongue out to lick along Brendan's shaft. Brendan's hand found its way to Ray's hair, his fingers encircling his curls as though holding onto a lifeline. Ray looked up at him from his position at the end of the bed, a mischievous glint in his eye. He moved one of his hands towards Brendan's entry to prepare him, licking his fingers for lubrication.

Before he knew it, Brendan had been flipped onto his front. He turned his head to the side to see Ray preparing himself near his entry. Brendan shuffled away from him slightly.

"What are ye doing?" He asked breathlessly.

Ray looked puzzled for a moment. "Making love to you, what else?"

"From behind?" Brendan asked, inexplicably alarmed.

Ray smiled. "It's okay, it won't hurt"

"It's not that" Brendan shook his head. Ray cocked his head to the side in wonderment.

"You don't like how exposed you'll be to me"

"Not to you, to anyone" Brendan admitted quietly.

"I'm not doing this to exert some sick control over you. You'll enjoy it, that's all. It's something different"

Brendan hesitated. "If any of my other lovers had tried this…"

"You'd have thrown them across the room?"

"Pretty much, yeah"

"That doesn't surprise me" Ray said thoughtfully. "If you don't want to though, I understand" Ray backed away a little.

Brendan thought about it for a moment. "Okay, I'll do it. But on one condition"

"Yeah?"

"I can do the same to ye next time" Brendan's eyes twinkled, his grin wide.

"Of course" Ray agreed.

Needless to say, Brendan found himself thoroughly enjoying this new position. He was so overwhelmed at times that he cried out and Ray had to tell him to be quiet in case anyone heard them. Brendan had gritted his teeth and curled his fists to prevent any more outbursts but it was exceedingly difficult. He found himself wishing that he and Ray were somewhere else, somewhere they had the freedom to scream out all they wanted without the risk of someone hearing them. But even at home that proved to be tricky. There was never a place private enough, not for Brendan anyway.

When it was all over, Brendan collapsed onto the bed, Ray falling with him, lying on Brendan's back. Brendan felt Ray's fingers trace his shoulder blades. He supported himself on one arm so as not to crush Brendan with all of his weight.

"You enjoyed that then?" Ray asked breathlessly.

"More than I thought I would" Brendan replied gruffly.

"Glad to hear it" Ray shifted off of Brendan's back to lie beside him on the bed.

"So what's next?" Brendan asked, smirking.

"That wasn't memorable enough for you?"

"Of course it was. But now I'm greedy for more"

"Naturally" Ray agreed. He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I have an idea actually" Ray's expression looked calm, and a little bit sad. Brendan frowned at his sudden shift in mood.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, it's nothing" Ray climbed off of the bed.

"No seriously, what?" Brendan asked, standing up as well to dress himself.

Ray looked at Brendan intently, a small smile gracing his lips. "The idea I had, it's quite poignant. To me anyway"

"Care to enlighten me?"

"Oh I will, after our shower"

"Alright then…" Brendan glanced again at Ray before they were interrupted by the guard who was there to escort them towards the shower room.

XXX

When they were washed and dressed in fresh clothes, Ray took Brendan's hand and pulled him outside. Brendan glanced down at their entwined fingers and found that he didn't mind. Shockingly, he accepted it.

Ray drew them towards a group of men. Brendan recognised a few of them who they were on friendly terms with, well, Ray was anyway. Brendan mostly kept himself to himself. Ray made a motion with his hand at one of them who nodded and followed them away from the group.

"What's up, Ray?"

Ray glanced shiftily at Brendan and then addressed the man once more.

"Jamie. You still got that camera?"

"The Polaroid?" Jamie asked quietly, glancing around himself. "Sure. How come?"

"Was wondering if I could borrow it…"

Jamie glanced down at Ray and Brendan's hands. Ray let go swiftly.

"What for?" Jamie asked cautiously.

"Nothing dodgy, or kinky. Just for someone at home, they miss me you see" Ray smiled, winking at Jamie.

Jamie nodded, reassured. "Sorry, it's not as though I have a problem with it… just, the risks…"

"I know, its okay. It took a lot for you to get the camera in the first place, I understand your caution"

Jamie nodded. "Thanks, Ray. I'll pass it to you at dinner, it's quite small, should fit easily in a jacket if you're subtle.

"Always am" Ray promised. "Thanks"

"No problem" Jamie nodded respectfully to the both of them and walked back to his group.

Brendan looked at Ray in confusion. "What do we need a camera for?"

"You'll see" Ray smiled, that sad look on his face once more.

XXX

The camera swap was pulled off easily enough. When they returned to their cell Ray drew it out, looking at it as though he had never seen a camera before.

"I miss Polaroid's, they were always so convenient"

"Tell me about it" Brendan agreed. "But what do we need one for? Ye heard Jamie, he doesn't want anything risky"

"Oh believe me I'd love to do that…" Ray winked. "But I'm not sure even you could handle having something like that in your possession"

"So this picture is for me?"

"Of course, who else?"

Brendan nodded, looking at the camera. "What does Jamie need it for anyway?"

"Oh he has a daughter, he likes to send her pictures of himself, reassures her I think"

Brendan nodded, feeling oddly touched by this.

"Here, get together" Ray instructed, throwing his arm around Brendan's shoulder and holding it at arms length. "Smile!"

Brendan didn't of course, but he did his best to look natural. As the first picture developed, Ray took one of himself and one of Brendan. "I want to keep one too" he told him quietly, waving the pictures about as they slowly came into focus.

Ray handed over the picture of the two of them as well as the one of himself. He pocketed the one of Brendan, giving him a sly smile. "Need something to remember you by"

Brendan smiled back, looking closely at the picture of the two of them. It felt very odd, seeing himself in a picture like that with a man he had been intimate with. He wasn't sure he would be able to deal with it. He frowned slightly looking at it.

"Something wrong?" Ray asked.

"Just never thought I'd do this…"

"What take a picture with a friend?"

"We're more than friends, Ray" Brendan murmured, without looking up.

"I know" Ray said thoughtfully. "When you go, don't forget this one" he held out the picture of Stephen that Brendan had kept under his pillow since day one. Brendan reached out for it, looking at the picture of Ray in one hand and the picture of Stephen in the other.

"Spoilt for choice" he mumbled.

"You bet you are" Ray replied.

Brendan looked up. "Thanks for this, don't want to forget what ye look like" he teased.

"No chance" Ray laughed, giving Brendan an affectionate shove, which he then turned into a possessive hug.

"Ray…" Brendan warned.

"Shut up and let me" Ray replied, squeezing that little bit harder. "I'm gonna miss you"

"I'll miss you too" Brendan admitted. "But I'm struggling to breathe"

"Oh" Ray said, letting go and laughing awkwardly, running his hand through his hair. "Sorry about that"

"No worries" Brendan smiled, still holding the photographs in one hand.

XXX

Brendan tucked the three photographs away in his stuff later on, feeling reflective. He looked at the picture of him and Ray and then at the one of Stephen, feeling an odd ache in his chest. On the one hand he was thrilled that he would see Stephen again soon, but on the other hand he was going to miss Ray terribly.

As usual, Brendan couldn't quite catch a break.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Brendan and Ray jogged swiftly around the prison compound. Brendan felt the sweat dripping off of him and scrambled out of his shirt, shoving it deep into his pocket. Ray turned his head to the side to smirk at him, looking Brendan up and down.

"What?" Brendan managed to pant out.

"Just admiring the view" Ray commented lightly, seemingly not out of breath at all.

"Admire this" Brendan said, jogging ahead of Ray, aware that the other man would be checking out his rear end.

Ray caught up easily and started jogging backwards, facing Brendan. "Does it bother you that I'm winning?"

"We aren't racing" Brendan replied, aggravated.

"Aren't we?" Ray smiled pleasantly and jogged ahead of Brendan, but not before slapping Brendan on his arse. Brendan could still hear him laughing ahead of him. Brendan was irritated to feel his face redden and not from exertion.

He finally caught up to him a few minutes later. Ray had stopped to do a few press-up's on the ground. Brendan bent down to join him, managed one and then collapsed.

"Aw, tired out, Brendan?" Ray teased, continuing his push ups with one arm behind his back.

"Fuck off" Brendan grumbled, his face in the earth.

"You aren't quite up to my ability just yet, you need to slow down"

"Don't get cocky" Brendan replied, managing to lift his head. "If this were a drinking contest, I'd win no problem"

"Only with whiskey" Ray sighed, standing up to stretch. He peered down at Brendan, smiling affectionately at him before offering him his hand.

Brendan took it reluctantly. When he was upright he attempted to take his hand out of Ray's but Ray held on tighter.

"What are ye doing?"

"I like holding your hand"

Brendan felt exhausted; he could barely summon up the strength to argue. "Why?" He asked tonelessly.

"Because they are surprisingly smooth" Ray commented, his thumb smoothing over Brendan's hand. "Do you moisturise?"

Brendan jerked his hand out of Ray's. "Don't fucking push it" he stalked off unsteadily, still feeling the effects of their work out. Ray caught up easily.

"Sorry. What's the matter?" Ray asked, slinging an arm around Brendan's shoulders. Brendan didn't shrug him off; he didn't fancy his chances against Ray.

"Got a lot on my mind. And why do ye keep pushing me?"

"I only held your hand; we did it yesterday as well"

"But ye comments…"

"I was only teasing" Ray sighed, looking at Brendan with innocent eyes. "You forgive me?"

"Maybe" Brendan muttered.

"Good. Now what's on your mind, hm?"

"It doesn't matter" Brendan said, taking a seat on one of the benches.

"It does" Ray said, sitting beside him.

"Ye aren't my psychiatrist"

"Aren't I?"

Brendan gave Ray a hard look. "I don't wanna talk about it, alright?"

"No problem" Ray said breezily, whistling to himself in the silence that followed. "Hey, so what will I do at Chez Chez then?"

Brendan was grateful for the change in conversation. "Serve, change barrels, cleaning…"

"Sounds thrilling"

"Well if ye don't want the job…"

"Don't be stupid, of course I do" Ray was thoughtful for a moment. "What are the staff like?"

"What, do ye want their dental records?"

"No. What are they like as people?"

Brendan considered this. "Well there's Rhys. He's okay"

"Is that all?"

"He's annoying. Follows Jacqui around everywhere…"

"And who's Jacqui?"

Brendan was contemplative for a moment. "She used to work for us, Chez sacked her"

"What for?"

"Ye don't wanna know, I kind of want ye to like Chez…"

"Why didn't you re-hire her?"

"I was planning to since I bought half the club but then I landed in here"

Ray nodded. "Anyone else?"

"There's Foxy. Warren Fox"

Ray looked at Brendan in some surprise. "I've heard of him"

Now it was Brendan's turn to be surprised. "Ye have? Where?"

"In here mostly. A lot of people can't work out how a guy can commit multiple murders and still not end up inside"

"He's a cockroach" Brendan theorised. "And a dick"

Ray laughed. "And you have to share half the club with him?"

"Pretty much"

"Who else then?" Ray pressed.

Brendan glared at him. "I know what ye are doing…"

"What?" Ray asked innocently, his face giving nothing away.

"Ye are trying to get me to talk about…"

"About who?" Ray asked casually.

"Stephen" Brendan breathed. Even saying the name affected him more than he cared to admit.

"I'm not asking for anything; just describe him like you did the others, no big deal"

Brendan looked at Ray suspiciously but his face was smooth and unreadable. Brendan sighed and relented.

"He's a good worker"

"The best?"

"Of everyone, yeah"

"What else?"

"The customers like him, he chats to people. Sometimes too much"

"Would you say he's quite sociable then?" Ray asked curiously.

"No" Brendan shook his head. "He's a bit of a loner, not many close friends"

"Like you"

Brendan hesitated. "Ye… I guess"

Ray looked thoughtful for a moment. "I can't wait to meet him"

Brendan looked at Ray sharply. "Ye don't touch him" he growled, then immediately regretted it. "Sorry, reflex"

"It's fine. It's endearing how much you love him" Ray smiled a little. "Could you ever love someone else, do you think?"

Brendan looked uncomfortable, he didn't answer.

"Ah, I get ya. It was bad enough admitting it the first time…"

"Yes"

"First time I said it to Donny…" Ray shook his head, smiling. "It was far from ideal. We had been out in the rain, managed to get into a huge argument over finding a restaurant for dinner. He wanted Indian food, I wanted Chinese. I told him he was insufferable, and fussy. He called me an arse, I said I love you when you're feisty…and that was it" Ray smiled fondly at the memory.

"That's uh…"

"It's not exactly romantic" Ray laughed. "But he kissed me, said he loved me back and that was it"

Brendan cocked his head to the side. "Ye miss him?"

"Every day" Ray said sadly. He stared out into the distance.

Brendan moved his hand, hesitated, and then decided to go for it. He gripped Ray's fingers comfortingly. Ray looked down at their hands and grinned.

"Thanks, Brendan"

Brendan looked ahead, still holding Ray's hand. "My pleasure"

"So when you and Stephen were together at the hospital…"

Brendan groaned. "Why must ye ask?"

"Call me nosy" Ray gave Brendan's fingers a reassuring squeeze.

Brendan sighed deeply. "Alright. We had a…chat"

"Well I gathered that"

"Do ye want to hear the story or not?"

"Sorry, continue…"

"_Bren…" Stephen said gently, his head resting on Brendan's stomach. Brendan's hand was gently stroking Stephen's hair. _

"_Ye?" _

"_Do you think…" Stephen began but then went quiet. _

"_Do I think what?" _

_Stephen sat up to look into Brendan's face. "Do you think it's possible for us to be happy together someday?" _

_Brendan was taken aback by the question. He glanced down furtively at the bedcovers, his fingers trailing along the fabric. _

"_I honestly don't know, Stephen" _

_Stephen placed his hand over Brendan's. "When we're like this, just you and me. And there's no danger, no anger. It's just perfect. It makes me remember why I love you" _

"_Stephen…" _

"_I can't help the truth" _

"_Ye deserve better than me" _

"_I know that. But I can't leave anyway" Stephen grinned sheepishly. _

"_Ye should" Brendan looked at him seriously. "I'm no good for ye, Stephen" _

"_I don't care!" Stephen replied, exasperated. "I'm not gonna let this carry on anymore. I'm going to stand tall and be honest with myself, no more pretending" _

"_And where does that get ye? Another slap from me?" Brendan closed his eyes, feeling drained. _

"_If you do that again, I'm gone" _

"_Ye say that every time, Stephen. It never changes. Ye have to stop coming back" _

"_Bren, I need to understand why you're like this" _

_Brendan turned his face away to the side. "Does it matter?" _

"_Of course it does! Isn't this what Ray's doing for you? Helping you make sense of things?" _

"_He is" _

"_Then why can't you talk to me about it?" _

"_Because it's different" _

"_Do you like him more than me or something?" Stephen asked quietly. _

_Brendan turned to face Stephen, his face incredulous. "Don't be ridiculous" _

"_Then what is it?" _

"_He understands…I can say things to him I can't say to ye" _

"_But I know you better!" _

"_Stephen" Brendan warned, rubbing at his eyes. "Stop making this into a competition because it isn't. I care about Ray, and I care about ye, that's it" _

"_It's not enough" Stephen shook his head angrily. _

"_Then what is enough for ye, Stephen?" _

_Stephen looked at Brendan, his mouth a thin line. _

"_Come on, don't be shy. What is it exactly that ye want?" _

"_I want you" Stephen said so softly Brendan was lucky to hear him. "I know we're messed up, but I can't help it" _

_Brendan reached out to stroke a line down Stephen's face with one of his fingers. Stephen closed his eyes at the touch._

"_I'm not ready for this, Stephen" _

_Stephen opened his eyes and smiled tightly. "I know that. I just want to know… if you ever are, will you still want me?" _

"_I'll always want ye" Brendan said in a gruff voice. "It's never that simple though. Ye should move on…" Brendan's jaw tightened at the thought. _

"_I tried that, it didn't work" _

_Brendan laughed without real humour. "Noah was wrong for ye" _

_Stephen nodded. "He wasn't you" _

"_No. He just wasn't right, even without me in the equation" _

_Stephen considered this but didn't respond. _

"What happened next?" Ray asked breathlessly, completely engrossed in Brendan's story.

"I told him that until I was at a place where I could really be enough for him, we shouldn't be together"

"And how did he respond?"

Brendan sighed. "He didn't take it well at first. But then he had to admit I had a point"

"And did he agree? Is he going to wait?"

"He said he needs time to think"

"Ah…"

"He said something else too…" Brendan looked awkward.

"What?" Ray asked, looking intently into Brendan's face.

"He said I need to work out my feelings for ye as well"

Ray was stunned into silence for a moment.

"He's a smart kid" Ray muttered.

Brendan turned to look at Ray. "I can't deal with any of this, Ray. It's too much"

"I know" Ray said, wrapping his arms around Brendan. "You need time, that's all. You need to learn how to be okay with all this"

"I am, to an extent"

"It just needs another little push" Ray theorised.

"Ye" Brendan agreed thoughtfully.

"You didn't tell him that you loved him then?"

"Ye know I didn't"

"Why do you think that is?"

"I'm not ready to say it to him. I need to get to a place where I can. I'm not there yet"

"You told me you loved him"

Brendan smiled a little. "It's a lot easier telling ye. I trust ye, I just don't trust myself. If I told him and it got too much and I lashed out again…"

"I don't think you will. I won't let you"

"How can ye stop me when ye aren't there?"

"Because I'll be in your head, telling you" Ray smiled.

"Thank ye for making me say it though"

"It was clear you needed to"

"Ye…ye" Brendan ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it. "I need to lie down"

"Let's go back inside then, yeah?"

"Ye" Brendan agreed, rising. Ray patted him on the back affectionately. His hand lingered on the small of Brendan's back, guiding him. The irony was not lost on Brendan.


	20. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

Brendan followed the guards down the hallway, his fingers laced together in agitation. He was going to see his solicitor, George, to find out the verdict of his imminent release. His hands were a little sweaty. Other than that he showed no other emotion on his face. Ray told him he was incredibly difficult to read and it made people shirk away from him. Brendan had no idea how Ray knew all of this considering he had never seen Brendan interact with other people but Ray had an uncanny way of reading how Brendan worked and undoubtedly made assumptions about how his ways affected the people around him. Assumptions which were oddly correct.

The guards stood to the side as they let Brendan pass them by into the small room. George was sitting behind the desk, his hands clasped together formally. He stood and nodded at Brendan when he entered the room. Brendan did a mock bow in response. George frowned and sat down again.

"Have ye got some good news for me, George?" Brendan asked in what he hoped was a light tone. He couldn't help but feel his hands sweat more profusely as he waited with bated breath for the outcome.

"I have indeed, Brendan" George said mildly.

Brendan began to get impatient after several moments of silence.

"Well?" He asked agitatedly.

"You're off the hook" George said, unable to disguise his pleasure.

"So the real killer has been caught?"

"Not yet. But they know who it is"

"Where is he?"

"On the run at the moment, the police are struggling to track him"

"Who was it?" Brendan asked, deeply curious.

"A man called Silas Blissett"

Brendan was stunned for a moment. He leaned back in his chair and rested his hand on his face.

"The Costello?" Brendan couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "The man Lynsey accused and no one believed her?"

"I believe so" George replied, shuffling some papers around to put into his briefcase. "It takes all sorts to commit such crimes. Sometimes the people you least expect"

Brendan looked up, mildly horrified. "No need to tell me that" he murmured.

"Don't you want to know when you're getting out?" George asked.

Brendan glanced up at him briefly and then looked down again. His expression was undoubtedly one of anguish.

"I guess… ye. When?"

George sighed, tilting his head to the side. "Tomorrow morning"

"Why not now?" Brendan asked, still distracted.

"I said you might need some time to get your stuff together" George looked at Brendan pointedly. Brendan looked up at him, his brows knitted together.

"How do ye…"

"I hear things. You're welcome" George gestured to the guards that he was finished. "Good luck, Brendan" George shook his hand. "I do hope we don't meet again, no offence"

"None taken" Brendan muttered. George left the room first and then Brendan followed suit, still not quite with it.

How could Silas, an old man, a grandfather, be capable of such brutality? Brendan couldn't get his head around it. When he had killed Danny there had been a reason, a true purpose. But what could those poor, unfortunate girls have possibly done to deserve such a fate? The thought disturbed Brendan so he pushed it to the side, as he often did with overwhelming emotions and tried to focus on the fact that he was leaving tomorrow. Which was a good thing.

Except now he had to tell Ray.

XXX

Ray was lying on the bed when Brendan entered. He stood up swiftly as he entered, his eyes wide and expectant. Brendan gave him a weak smile and a nod. Ray smiled back at him but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"When?" He asked softly.

"Tomorrow morning" Brendan replied gruffly, leaning his head back against the wall.

"So…what happened? The evidence checked out?"

"Ye, plus they found the real killer"

Ray's eyes widened. "Right. Well, that's something"

"They haven't caught him" Brendan said quietly.

Ray looked down at the floor. "They will"

"I hope he doesn't come here" Brendan said gently, barely a whisper.

"Why? You won't be here anymore"

"Ye will be" Brendan looked at Ray, his eyes soft and full of emotion.

Ray looked taken aback for a moment. "Brendan… it's okay, I can hold my own in here, you know that"

"I hate leaving ye"

"I know. I'll hate watching you leave"

"I almost…" Brendan sighed, thinking carefully. "I almost wish I wasn't leaving"

"You don't mean that"

"Don't I?"

"You get to go home…"

"To what exactly?" Brendan asked, building up to hysteria. "To my club I share with a complete arsehole? To a sister who barely trusts me? To the man I love who can't even work out if he wants to be with me or not? Oh brilliant"

"Brendan…" Ray took a step forwards but Brendan held up his hand to stop him coming closer.

"Am I supposed to feel glad that I'm getting released? That they found the real killer? That people like Douglas are left to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives because of one man?"

"A man who wasn't you" Ray said softly.

"Might as well have been. I'm a monster"

"No, you aren't"

"Ye don't know me"

"I do, actually"

"For what? A month or two? That isn't long enough"

"I think we've shared more between us then a lot of the people in your life probably have"

"And why is that? What makes us so special?"

"We understand each other…" Ray replied, frowning.

"I understand Stephen, doesn't mean I really know him"

"You do. You just won't allow yourself to"

"What the fuck does it all mean?" Brendan asked, throwing his hands up.

"Brendan. It's going to take time, to make things right"

"Maybe I can't!" Brendan roared, kicking against the wall. "Maybe my chances have run out and that's it now. I'll be left alone in the gutter, where I deserve" Brendan curled his fists, pushing against the wall with one of them.

"Don't punch the wall like I did when things got too much, it won't help" Ray said calmly. "You do deserve a second chance, Brendan. When you get out of here you have to embrace it"

"I don't know how" Brendan said, his voice nearly broken. He leaned down the wall to sit on the floor. Ray strode forwards to sit down beside him.

"You do, you just don't realise it yet. I believe you can do this"

"I can't. Not alone"

"You won't be alone! You have Cheryl, your boys, Stephen…"

"They deserve better"

"Fuck that! They love you, they can't help it. And they'll never be able to stop"

"Oh ye? And how do ye know that?"

"Because I love you"

Brendan turned to face Ray, his expression disbelieving. "Ye what?"

"I love you"

"Don't say that" Brendan pushed his knuckle into his forehead.

"I'm sorry but it's true. And I don't just mean as friends"

"But ye love Donny!"

"Of course I do. I always will"

"Then how the fuck can ye love me?"

"You can love more than one person" Ray said thoughtfully. "I'm not saying I want us to be special boyfriends and run off into the sunset together or anything but I do love you. It's kinda hard not to, you being who you are"

"I'm a fucking mess"

"A beautiful mess" Ray agreed.

"This is a lot to take in…" Brendan said, glancing at Ray.

"I know. But I just wanted you to know. I don't expect anything. I still want you and Stephen to be happy together but I can't help the fact that I've fallen for you too"

Brendan swallowed hard. "I can't… it's too…"

"I understand" Ray patted Brendan's hand. "I haven't scared you off have I?"

"No… no it's okay"

"Good. Because it doesn't change anything, alright? We're still mates"

"Ye… of course"

Ray looked somewhat uncomfortable. Brendan sighed heavily and put his arm around his shoulders, drawing him close to his chest.

"Give me time to sort my head out, then who knows what will happen"

"We all have a lot to think about, me included"

"Ye, sucks to be us"

Ray laughed, wiping at his eyes. "I am going to miss you, you know"

"Who wouldn't?" Brendan asked, grinning a little.

"I get why Stephen kept going back to you all those times now"

"Ye really don't, it isn't the same"

"No… I suppose you're right"

They were silent for several moments.

"I think for the rest of the day we should make the most of it" Brendan decided.

"I agree. Do everything we can to make it a memorable one"

"Ye, definitely" Brendan looked towards the ceiling. "I'll visit, ye know"

"I know" Ray said softly. "Not too often mind, you have a life to sort out"

Brendan laughed; it felt like a release to him. "Ye can say that again"


	21. Chapter TwentyOne

Chapter Twenty-One

It felt strange, starting the day knowing that it was his last day inside. After their somewhat revealing talk, Brendan and Ray found themselves walking towards the hall for breakfast in silence, both clearly in contemplative moods. Brendan glanced over at Ray now and again, unsure of how to broach an appropriate topic of conversation. It wasn't quite awkward because what was there to be awkward about? If Ray had told Brendan he loved him, and Brendan hadn't felt anything akin to such feelings in return, things would certainly have been very uncomfortable. But that wasn't the case.

Stephen had once told Brendan that he was incapable of love, but that wasn't true either. He was incapable of expressing it, that was all. He had shown his love for Stephen in unorthodox ways, murder namely. But with Ray, he was simply incapable of allowing himself to speak those words, as though they held a kind of power over him. Falling in love with Stephen had already disjointed Brendan's ridiculous notions of his sexuality and to admit that he loved another man was simply the icing on the cake. It meant that it was all real. It meant that he and Stephen were not trapped in some unknown universe where these things could happen for only them. Instead it was a reality. It had to addressed outside of themselves. Brendan didn't know how.

"You haven't said much" Ray said thoughtfully, putting his spoon down.

"I'm saying it all in here" Brendan explained, pointing to his forehead.

"Well perhaps you could say some of it out loud" Ray pressed, his demeanour still calm and thoughtful.

"I don't know what to do…" Brendan began, his eyes fixated on the table.

"About what?"

"About yer feelings for me…"

Ray coughed and smiled a little. He placed his hand carefully over Brendan's beneath the table which rested on his leg.

"Listen, maybe I shouldn't have said-"

"No. I'm glad yer did"

Ray smiled again. "Why?"

"It's nice to hear, if nothing else"

"But is there anything else?" Ray said, looking at Brendan's face intently.

Brendan turned to face him, his lips pressed together firmly. He shook his head mutely.

A flicker of emotion showed on Ray's face but he hid it well. "I figured…" he said quietly.

"It isn't that I don't want to…"

"You don't have to explain"

"No. I need to" Brendan took a deep breath. "I do feel the same as ye do… but I can't say it, or make it known to ye in the right way. My throat just tightens over it"

"Is it a familiar feeling?" Ray asked curiously.

"Yes. Ye aren't the only man who has said it to me"

"Who else?"

Brendan sighed. "First there was a lad when I was younger. Nothing really happened, but we kind of felt things for each other we knew we shouldn't…"

"Why shouldn't you?" Ray asked pointedly, a knowing smile on his face.

Brendan tilted his head to the side. He smirked a little. "It's a habit, sorry"

"Continue"

"Then I met Eileen and well, buried my feelings I guess…" Brendan looked pensive. "I tried so hard to love her… I loved our boys, unconditionally, and I loved her for being their mother, and for being kind, and strong. But it was never enough"

"Of course not" Ray said quietly, squeezing Brendan's hand.

"I moved to Liverpool for a while. Needed some time away from the façade. I ran a club there for-" Brendan closed his mouth before continuing. "Anyway, I met a young lad there, Vinnie"

"What was he like?"

"Young, impressionable, open-hearted" Brendan shook his head solemnly. "He should have stayed away from me but he wouldn't. No matter how many times I beat it into him" Brendan's expression remained cold and unmoveable. Such dark thoughts rarely came to the surface and were even less likely to when he was sitting here with Ray, his strong, warm fingers a reassuring presence.

"What happened to him?" Ray asked softly.

"He died. It was…ah, it's not important" Brendan lowered his head. "After that I went back home and then there was Macca, Eileen's nephew"

"Oh you didn't…" Ray said, his mouth hanging open.

"He was different to Vinnie. He was older for a start, more resilient. He bit back so to speak"

"And he loved you too?"

Brendan rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, so much so that he followed me to England when Eileen discovered our affair and chucked me out"

"Blimey" Ray breathed.

"He didn't stay long, I made sure of that. But then he came back again, I was already with Stephen at the time, things were…progressing"

"In what way?"

Brendan looked at Ray pointedly.

"Oh… you were already developing feelings for him"

"Feelings I had never felt before, for anyone. I hadn't loved those other men. They never compared…" Brendan trailed off. "Anyway, when Macca was gone things got messy, as ye already know. Stephen told me he loved me, once"

"What did you do?"

"I kissed him" Brendan closed his eyes at the memory.

"_But I love __you" _

"_Shut up, please, just" _

"Why didn't you say it back?" Ray asked.

"Because I couldn't. The kiss said what I couldn't say"

"Is that what you do then? When things get heavy, you give him what he wants physically, to stop him wanting more?"

"It never works beyond that moment" Brendan answered truthfully.

"Of course not"

"And finally" Brendan began, giving Ray a small, knowing smile. "There was you"

Ray smirked. "Did I surprise you?"

"Quite spectacularly"

"Why's that?"

"Because ye are so together, so… aware of yer feelings. Those other lads were largely beginners"

"Are you saying you turned them?"

"Well, not all of them…"

Ray laughed low in his throat. "Cocky bastard aren't you?"

"I have my moments" Brendan agreed.

"Look, nothing has to change. You're leaving tomorrow, going back to Stephen…"

"Ye, but I don't even know if he wants me or not"

"Of course he does" Ray said as though it were obvious. "And who can blame him? Gorgeous bastard that you are?"

"Ye flatter me" Brendan teased. "Enough of this heavy talk, this is supposed to be _our _day"

"Sorry, from now on it will be"

Brendan nodded, licking his lips from his breakfast. "Good"

XXX

Brendan and Ray went outside for a while, strolling along aimlessly. It was a dreary day, the rain was spitting onto their heads. Without his hair gel Brendan's hair had changed dramatically. It was all over the place after his morning shower, spiking in all directions but once it had dried it often laid flat and lifeless, sometimes sticking to his forehead. Ray had called it 'cute'. Brendan had shoved him, lightly of course.

A fellow inmate passed Ray by and slipped him a packet of cigarettes. Brendan raised his eyebrows at Ray who looked at him, somewhat apologetically.

"I don't smoke much, honest"

"Ye haven't smoked since I've been here"

"I know, I didn't need to"

"That makes no sense" Brendan observed, taking a seat on the grassy floor. Ray sat beside him; a guard struck a match for his cigarette.

Ray took a long draw. "I smoke when I'm stressed. My first two or three months here were stressful"

"And then I came along, the light of yer life?" Brendan chuckled, nudging Ray gently with his shoulder.

"Sure, if you wanna believe that" Ray grinned back.

Brendan's chuckles subsided. "So why are ye smoking now then?"

"Because you're leaving" Ray said bluntly, as though it were unquestionable.

"Don't do that on my account"

"It's okay, I'm sure I'll quit again when I'm out of here. Donny hates it"

Brendan nodded, looking at Ray sympathetically.

"Except he won't be there when I get out…"

"Only for four months" Brendan reassured him, aware of Ray's shift in mood.

"Yeah, I guess so"

Brendan snaked an arm around his waist. "Ye will be with me anyway, should be fun"

Ray gave Brendan an amused look. "You reckon?"

"Ye, why wouldn't it be?"

"What if the people in your life don't want me there?"

"They can jog on" Brendan replied, looking appalled. Ray laughed loudly.

"Fair enough"

"Ye wanna go back inside? I don't fancy the look of those clouds…" Brendan squinted at the sky, feeling droplets of rain beginning to become more frequent on the top of his head.

"In a minute" Ray replied, still holding his cigarette. He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Did you know there's an enclosure down there which is practically out of sight? The inmates use it for their dodgy dealings"

"Sounds risky" Brendan observed, frowning.

"Gotta love the thrills in life" Ray replied, stubbing out his cigarette. He took Brendan's hand. "Come on then"

"Where we going?" Brendan asked, being pulled along by Ray.

"To the enclosure"

Brendan stopped short. Ray turned to look at him questioningly. "What is it?"

"Why are we going there?"

"I think you know" Ray smiled seductively, pulling Brendan along.

"But it's raining!" Brendan protested.

Ray pushed him against the wall, his face very close. "Live a little, Brendan. Who cares about a bit of rain?"

"Well, I do!" Brendan argued but was cut off by Ray's lips crushing against his own. He was left momentarily distracted as he felt Ray's tongue dart into his mouth whilst his hands moved over Brendan's body. It seemed as though Ray were touching every part of him, memorising everything.

Brendan pulled back a little, causing Ray to bite his lip by mistake. "Fuck, sorry" Ray murmured, clearly aroused.

"It's fine" Brendan grunted, moving his lips closer to Ray's mouth once more. Ray's tongue darted out to lick at the blood before moving in to kiss Brendan again.

Brendan's hands were somewhere at the small of Ray's back. They gradually drifted lower to cup his arse, giving it a squeeze. Ray groaned and swiftly undid Brendan's trousers, pushing them and his black boxers to the floor. At this point the rain was really starting to hammer down. Brendan was so wrapped up in the moment however that he ignored it.

Ray slipped out of his own trousers and flexed his fingers which were already wet before he prepared Brendan for entry. Like the first time they had had sex, Ray pushed Brendan up against the wall, Brendan's legs wrapped around Ray's waist. Ray pushed inside, his head rested against Brendan's shoulder as he thrusted. Brendan clawed at Ray's back, slipping slightly against the wall.

The men were frantic and needy for each other. They clung to each other as though they were to be separated at any given moment. Brendan whispered incoherently against Ray's ear. Ray was too distracted to hear most of it but a few words stood out.

"I'm going to miss ye, so fucking bad"

"Me too" Ray whispered back. "I love you, Brendan Brady" he added and with one final thrust, he climaxed, rubbing his body against Brendan to bring him to his own climax through the friction.

Sliding down the wall, Brendan was panting, his hair damp and flattened, his eyes wide and enthralled. He reached out to Ray and kissed him once more, hungry and desperate. Ray clung back to him, eventually changing the kiss to an embrace, his head buried deep into Brendan's shoulder. They were both soaking wet but didn't care. They stayed like that for what felt like a lifetime, neither man ready to let go just yet.


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo

A/N: Final chapter guys! Thank you so much for reading and for all of the lovely feedback. There will be a sequel shortly as well :) I dedicate this final chapter to Elle for being 'Bray's' biggest supporter ;)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Pulling his trousers and boxers back up, Brendan looked at Ray out of the corner of his eye. Ray was grinning at him as he pulled his own trousers up and attempted to flatten his unruly hair. Brendan placed his hand on Ray's wrist and tilted his head to the side questioningly.

"Why are ye trying to tidy it? I like it messy"

"It's a bitch to comb" Ray replied, moving his hand trapped by Brendan's to hold his hand.

"Then don't comb it" Brendan reasoned, beginning to walk out of the enclosure. Ray pulled him back via his hand and crushed his lips to Brendan's once more. When Brendan's hands were released he moved them to tangle them in Ray's hair. As the kiss deepened Brendan stroked through the curls lazily, untangling the knots.

"Ow" Ray breathed, pulling away. He pulled Brendan's hand out of his hair. "Thanks for trying"

"No problem. Ever heard of something called a hair cut?" Brendan teased. Ray gave him a little shove in response.

"Ever heard of a shaver?"

"Shut up. People love the tashe"

"I bet they don't like tashe rash" Ray complained, rolling his eyes.

"Oh don't give me that, ye are just as hairy as me. Stephen's the one who should be complaining"

"I'm surprised he doesn't!" Ray chuckled, walking back out into full sight, Brendan several steps behind him.

"Where are we going now then?" Brendan asked, jogging to catch up with Ray's long strides.

"I don't know about you but I'm ready for round two" Ray said, smirking at Brendan suggestively.

"How can a man resist?" Brendan replied, following Ray back inside the prison.

XXX

They entered their cell and Brendan immediately pushed Ray against the desk, practically mounting him in his haste. He kissed along Ray's neck as he pulled at the fabric surrounding his trousers. Ray pulled away a little to look at Brendan's face.

"Someone's feisty today" He commented, clearly amused.

Brendan grinned wolfishly at him and continued to undress him. "Ye don't like it?"

"Oh no, of course I do" Ray said, helping Brendan remove his trousers and perching himself on the edge of the desk.

"I sense a but coming" Brendan commented.

"There isn't" Ray said, kissing Brendan fiercely.

Brendan pulled away. "Ye sure?"

"Yes! Now please don't stop again" Ray said, pulling Brendan towards him. Brendan smirked, strangely pleased that he finally had some power over Ray.

"Ah ye want me do ye?" Brendan asked arrogantly, moving his hand to gently massage Ray's cock. "How bad?"

"Don't be a tease" Ray moaned, throwing his head back for Brendan to plant soft kisses along his neck.

"Ye tease me" Brendan argued, pinning Ray's hands behind his back.

"Because it's so easy" Ray replied, using his legs to drag Brendan's body closer.

"Always fighting for dominance" Brendan sighed, eventually pushing himself inside of Ray.

"It's what we do" Ray said, panting with the feeling of Brendan filling him.

"Just admit it, ye want me, ye need me"

"Fuck off"

"Don't forget that ye love me" Brendan added, a mischievous glint in his eye. Ray growled under his breath and pulled Brendan towards him for a thorough kiss.

XXX

Some time later, Brendan and Ray were tangled together, Brendan still inside of Ray but utterly spent.

They were both panting from exertion; it had been another frantic pace. Brendan rested his forehead against Ray's and drew in several deep breaths.

"I'll miss this" he said very quietly.

"So will I" Ray agreed, kissing Brendan once more on the mouth.

Brendan removed himself from Ray and lay down on the bed. Ray joined him shortly after, both of them still undressed. Ray curled around Brendan, wrapping his arms around him. A few months ago the submissiveness of this innocent act would have provoked Brendan needlessly but now he simply enjoyed it. Enjoyed the feeling of being held, rather than being the one to hold. Regardless, he knew he would always love holding Stephen in his arms, making him feel protected and warm. Even for just a moment.

"Everything okay?" Ray asked softly, holding Brendan that little bit tighter.

"Just can't believe I'm going home tomorrow" Brendan murmured, glad that Ray couldn't see his face.

"It's a good thing though, right?"

"Of course. Just gonna be weird, that's all"

"It might take time to settle back again. It changes you, being in here"

"In a good way or bad way?"

Ray was silent for a moment. "Both" he finally said. "Some people try their best to be better so they never end up in here again. Others, like me, end up acting out again"

"Why though?" Brendan asked curiously, turning in Ray's arms to look at him.

Ray looked thoughtful. "I don't know. I guess when you first get out; you're petrified of going back again. But then it wears off and you start to feel invincible, because if you got out once why couldn't you again? But it isn't a healthy attitude; imagine committing a crime so huge you never got to leave"

Brendan's face froze in abject horror. Thankfully Ray didn't notice but Brendan struggled to disguise the empty, cold feeling he suddenly felt in the pit of his stomach at Ray's words. He didn't want Ray to know the truth about him; it was bad enough Stephen knowing. He couldn't bear Ray looking at him in that same disgusted and frightful manner that Stephen had. Brendan needed to fix that, needed to make it right with Stephen.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Ray asked gently, stroking Brendan's cheek.

"Nothing" Brendan shook his head to clear it. "How long we got left of the day?"

"Probably a good few hours until dinner"

"Cards again then?"

"Sure. What we betting for this time?"

Brendan considered this. "Who buys the first round of whiskey's when yer out" He grinned.

Ray grinned back. "Done"

XXX

After a rather pitiful dinner, Brendan and Ray returned once again to their cell. Brendan sat on the chair, spinning around mindlessly.

"You're making me dizzy" Ray informed him, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Sorry" Brendan said, not really sorry at all. He smiled roguishly at Ray. "Just think, yer will have the whole cell to yerself soon"

"Oh how exciting" Ray rolled his eyes, leaning back against the wall.

Brendan moved to sit on the bed as well, giving Ray a gentle kick with his foot.

"Ye won't get a new cellmate will ye?"

Ray looked at Brendan. "I don't know. Hope he's nice looking if I do"

Brendan gave Ray a dark look.

"What?" Ray asked, laughing openly.

"Ye won't fuck him will ye?"

Ray laughed even harder. "Oh you are hilarious!"

"What's so funny?" Brendan growled.

"You! Being jealous over a man who doesn't even exist" Ray wiped at his eyes, still laughing.

"Well stop talking about it then" Brendan said, agitated.

Ray positioned himself across Brendan's lap, looking up into his face. "I'm sorry, forgive me?" Ray held out his hand for Brendan to shake.

Brendan glared at him warily but then took the offered hand. Ray grinned triumphantly and pulled Brendan and himself off of the bed.

"Oi!" Brendan shouted as he fell on top of Ray on the floor.

"Couldn't resist!" Ray said, wrapping his arms around Brendan's waist to prevent him from moving. "Now that you're here…"

"I should hit ye" Brendan said, not really meaning it.

"But you won't" Ray answered for him, winking.

Brendan sighed and relented when Ray started to kiss him. It wasn't long before they began undressing. They caressed each other gently, moving together as though they had all of the time in the world when really they did not. Ray was exceedingly tender in his movements, knowing that it was Brendan's second penetration of the day. Sometimes Brendan found himself willing Ray to push harder but it only added to the euphoria created between them.

The climax was pure and intoxicating. Brendan found his hips rising as Ray's fell. Their bodies glistened with sweat and their eyes were shut, taking in everything, willing for the sensation to continue but knowing that as was often the case in life, it had to end.

They slept on the floor that night. Ray gathered some pillows for them to lie on and a cover to keep them warm. It felt right, lying where they had had their last moment together. When morning came, and the steady knock on the door woke the both of them, Brendan found himself exceedingly disheartened. He knew this was the end, and yet maybe it was only the beginning.

A part of him still needed to know whether Stephen would be waiting for him. As he looked at Ray's dejected expression, he knew that even though he was sad to be leaving one lover, he was thrilled to be seeing the other.

Gathering his things together, Brendan avoided eye contact with Ray as he silently handed him his sparse belongings. The guard stood just outside the door but he wasn't looking directly at them. Brendan took this as an opportunity to say his goodbyes to Ray. He coughed awkwardly, feeling the stifled nature of the silence penetrate the cell. He held out his hand, looking into Ray's face questioningly as Ray stared blankly back at him.

Before he knew it, Ray had grasped his hand and pulled him into a tight embrace. Being slightly smaller than him, Brendan found his head tucked beneath Ray's chin as Ray clung to him in an almost protective manner.

"Take care of yourself, okay?" Ray whispered into Brendan's ear.

Brendan nodded. "Ye too, don't get yerself into any trouble without me"

"I can't promise anything" Ray chuckled lightly, pulling away from Brendan a little to look into his face. He moved to cup his cheek. "Say hello to Stephen for me"

Brendan smiled slightly. "If he'll speak to me"

"Why wouldn't he? You've been absent for months, he'll be pleased to see you"

"Hm, we'll see" Brendan said. "Listen, I'll come visit, ye? As soon as possible"

"Give yourself some time to settle back in first" Ray said, pulling out of their embrace and patting Brendan once more on the back. "I'm not going anywhere" he smiled.

Brendan looked once more at Ray, grasped his shoulder briefly and turned to leave.

"Brendan?" Ray asked. Brendan turned to address him.

"Ray?"

"See you real soon" Ray grinned at him.

Brendan's mouth curled into an easy smile. He raised his hand in an almost salute and departed.

XXX

Leaving the prison felt surreal. Brendan stood at the desk as another guard handed him his belongings that he had came in with. Brendan re-fastened his cuff bracelet, feeling satisfied at the familiar weight. He placed his cross necklace around his neck and felt it nestle in his chest hair. It felt good to be wearing a suit once more; Brendan felt that familiar sense of power and arrogance wearing it. He decided to change into something more casual when he returned home.

Brendan nodded once to the guard, noticing from the corner of his eye that Ethan was in the police station staring him down. Brendan turned his head, wearing his best smug expression, purely for Ethan's benefit. Despite it all he still felt pleased that Ethan had been proved wrong and was now paying for it. No promotion for him just yet.

Brendan gave him a wink, much to Ethan's intense annoyance and picked up his final item, his phone.

Brendan took the last few steps outside, feeling the sun hit his face and warm his skin. He took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air filling his lungs. The air was never this fresh in the prison courtyard; too many sweating bodies involved. Absentmindedly, Brendan turned his phone on as he walked. Cheryl was coming to meet him soon so they could go home together. It was a nice feeling having her back on his side. Things could only be on the up.

Brendan's phone buzzed several times. He sifted through several irrelevant messages before his eyes fixated on a certain message from only a few days ago.

_From: Stephen_

_I'll wait x_

And Brendan smiled, fully attuned to the fact that even though nothing was certain, and there was still a lot to resolve, there was still hope. With Ray and Stephen as clear possibilities, there was no chance of Brendan being a faded photograph on anyone's wall.


End file.
